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The suicide prevention hotline thingie has been doing the rounds again, so as a person who has been at repeated risk for suicide I just want to tell people while I feel like over-emphasis on that number might be counterproductive.
First let me say that the suicide hotline has absolutely saved lives, I'm sure. It's the messaging AROUND it that I worry may be ultimately harmful to those who are experiencing suicidal thoughts or urges.
Most of the time when you see a "RT or repost" this it comes along with some message like "There is always hope" or "someone is listening" or something else implying that when you hit rock bottom, don't worry, there's still a very simple thing you can do! But here's the thing.
I called that number exactly once in my life, and it was an absolute rock bottom moment when literally everything else in my life wasn't working, and I called it BECAUSE of the messaging that had made it sound like "if all else fails, this is ALWAYS there for you" situation.
I was put on infinite hold, then hung up on. I'm not saying this is a typical experience, but the suicide hotline isn't magical. It's staffed by humans, and supported by technology. Both humans and technology fail. Setting it up as the One Symbol of Hope is dangerous.
If you really want to help someone out there who is considering ending their lives, don't just throw a number at them and think you've Helped. This is a profoundly neurotypical way of looking at mental health crises: all you have to do is "get help" and everything will be okay!
If you're tempted to RT the hotline, if you get that urge, if you want to use social media as a way to get that in front of the eyes of some stranger who might need it, that's a wonderful impulse. But I'd suggest you stress OPTIONS.
There ARE random messages from internet strangers that have been far more helpful to me than "someone at this number is always listening!" ('cause in my case, they weren't).
I think the most crucial thing, again, is OPTIONS. You can include the number as one of them.
I think the most crucial thing, again, is OPTIONS. You can include the number as one of them.
Any time you narrow a person's options, even in a well meaning way, you may be doing them a disservice. Most people don't even get to the point of wanting to end their lives until they've already tried things NT folks were sure would help... and they didn't.
"One day you'll find the right dose of the right meds!" What if meds don't work at ALL for them, and the prospect of trying out a dozen more new unpredictable side effects is what is BRINGING them to despair?
"Someone is always willing to listen!" What if that isn't true?
"Someone is always willing to listen!" What if that isn't true?
Depression and suicidality are not diseases, they are symptoms. Any number of things can cause these states of mind, and so there are almost infinite things that might cure them. THAT is what people need to hear. That their case may be unique, but that they can find a way.
So the next time you are tempted to copy-paste a suicide prevention meme as-is, maybe take a look at it and ask yourself, "If this doesn't work for the person, what do I really want them to know? What am I really trying to convey with this message?"
Words like "there's always another way" and "don't give up" and "keep trying things" and "stay with us" are a bit cliched. Maybe they won't ring true at someone's worst moment. But repetition of cliches has a way of getting inside our heads. And these words can't do harm.
Put the number up there, because maybe it IS the thing that will work for them, but be sure you emphasize that this is one of almost infinite things they can try to be heard, to be directed to resources that will work for their individual case. Emphasize individuality.
When you're standing on a ledge, most of what people say feels like it doesn't apply to you. But it's hard to argue with, "You just haven't found your answer yet. It's out there; keep looking." Unlike "Someone's always listening," it's impossible to disprove.
And that's all you need, to get someone off the ledge. Something that makes them reconsider. Doubt what they're certain of. Don't give them an "answer" that they can easily prove is b.s. Make it about uncertainty, and you can get them off the ledge and back on the path.
