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I talk about being proud of my age so much, I'm aware it sounds like overcompensation or self-reassurance. I know that to anyone in their 20s, being happy about being 45 is unthinkable.
That's a Western (and honestly, largely American) thing, but unfortunately U.S. media has saturated much of the globe, so the attitude is spreading. We're taught by the media that life happens in your teens and twenties, and after that you're a side character in someone else's.
There's a rising "I can be awesome in middle age/old age" thing, sort of, but it revolves around acting/looking like you're still in your 20s or 30s at whatever age. It's all about "man she doesn't look a day over X" and "he's cool 'cause he talks and thinks like a 20 year old"
Once you show a wrinkle or admit to a body ache, you're no longer eligible for the "I aspire to be you at your age!" kind of approval that some of the younguns hand out. "You seem to be forever stuck in the cool phase of life I'm currently in; I want that too!"
There are some good things about youth that we can hang onto, and should. Flexibility of thinking, adaptability, curiosity, willingness to try new things, a sense of adventure. Many people *choose* to give those things up out of weariness or complacency. Not necessary.
But a lot of the stuff that's "cool" about being young is okay to leave behind. The necessary self-absorption involved in "finding yourself" and your place in the world. The adrenaline rush of falling in love and not knowing what hitting the bottom of it will feel like.
These things are exciting, so they're in movies/TV a lot. Mostly because most of the people who make movies/TV are either relatively young, or stunted by years in a punishing, youth-centered industry and therefore prevented from experiencing the cool parts of being older.
The media can't represent anything more than its creators understand. So it's a self-feeding cycle. Youth is presented as the only part of life in which one is a protagonist, and so people cling to youth as long as possible, thus missing out on what's great about being older.
But there's an absolute beauty in just... being where you are in life. Loving that every age you are is an age you have never been before and never will be again. What's new about 45? What experience have I accumulated that I can now use to improve my and others' existence?
I'm excited about it. I'm looking forward to finding out what sort of old woman I'm going to be. I don't miss being 25. I really don't. A body showing signs of use and wear is a small price to pay for just... not feeling that way anymore. Having seen more, known more.
My heart goes out to some of my younger friends (as a gamer, I have a lot of them) because they honestly think this is supposed to be the high point of their lives, and it's being wasted on a Terrible World, and that it's all downhill after this. I wish they knew.
I can't tell them, because when an older person tells you "Being old is great!", the tendency as a young person is to pat them and say, "Okay grandma, let's get you to bed." But I promise you, it's not denial or self-reassurance. Getting older really is wonderful.
And you might know some old people who complain all the time about being old. I know some of those too. I feel bad for them, because the reason they hate their life right now is that they bought into the Hollywood myth so hard they can't let go of it, can't get to the good bit.
The good bit is where you STOP comparing your life to film and TV and start looking at what it actually is: what you've done, where you've been, who you've loved, how you've grown... and you think, "Wow, what a story." When you can begin to see the broad arc of You.
Every choice you make, every other person you affect... these start to form motifs, beautiful patterns, that you can't see until you have a certain quantity of data to work with. And you certainly can't guide them or change them until you have information to work with.
Being 45, for me, is about finally beginning to understand where life has been leading me all this time. What can be built out of this suffering, that disappointment, that trauma, and turn it, over time, into a satisfying arc.
That kind of thing needs CANVAS. Time.
That kind of thing needs CANVAS. Time.
So yes. I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be *just beginning* to understand what life is actually about, beyond whether I'm hot or popular.
It's still hard sometimes, but I know enough now to know that everything passes away. Everything is an opportunity to be better.
It's still hard sometimes, but I know enough now to know that everything passes away. Everything is an opportunity to be better.
Not everyone gets to the same perspective at the same age. But you do have to live a certain length to even have a *prayer* of being happy, of feeling the bone-deep serenity of being truly grateful for the chance to live.
With all my heart, I wish old age for all of you.
With all my heart, I wish old age for all of you.