Have been trying to find ways to describe to myself why pandemic is emotionally harder (you see people asking why doctors/nurses aren't used to death) it's cos firefighters wouldn't want to do Great Fire of London for months, soldiers wouldn't want Battle of Waterloo daily

I'm just tired of patients coming to ICU and not seeming to get better. We don't have all the quick post surgery wins. I feel like everyone is coming to fight their own personal war w death and we have to watch again and again.&have to get to know people before they deteriorate

(Personally I find it easier to receive unconscious or very drowsy patients and then make them better, than receive conscious ones and watch them get worse). But I suppose we have the vaccine, lockdown seems to be working, and maybe by summer we can operate more widely again.

Also the majority do survive ICU, it's just a drawn out phenomenon so my brain forgets!