If I see one more video or post about how men cooking and cleaning = smashing the patriarchy, I will run into a wall. Please stop putting men on a pedestal for doing their bare minimum as functioning human beings. Stop gendering survival skills first.

Also the ways in which men can ‘smash’ patriarchy can include unlearning their biases, working on their emotional health, educating themselves, not perpetuating intergenerational toxic cycles. They don’t have to do these ‘save and protect’ women behaviours to smash anything.

Good god women have known to survive for generations. Women inherit generational pain and know from as young as pre school ages to smash,break and survive this cruel world, and posts out here crediting men for smashing patriarchy by making a roti. I’m livid.

It’s also dangerous because this cute feminism nonsense creates vulnerability for gaslighting. ‘I think you’re being really sexist’ can be met with ‘what nonsense, you know I’m a feminist, we share the chores in the house’. He’s not doing you a favour for you to feel ‘lucky’.

‘But he does so much’. So? What I’ve noticed is that it’s really difficult for men to listen and reflect, especially when they’re being called out. It makes them uncomfortable and that makes sense, but it’s not a women’s job to do the additional labour of protecting a man’s ego.

The discomfort is where actually reflection happens. Unlearning is supposed to be difficult and uncomfortable but it’s also healthy. It improves scope for equitable relationships, reduces vulnerability for abuse, it humanises how everyone is imperfect.

This cute feminism bullshit takes attention away from so much. It’s worse than a participation trophy. Please encourage men to engage with each other, to listen and learn and do the uncomfortable work of looking within and around. It’s okay to dislike things that make you better.

You give one more prize to a man for making a roti and I am coming to your kitchen with a curse that all of them will be inedibly thick and burnt.