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friends, let's talk about rejection, shame, and resiliency in online multiplayer games. i'm eager to hear about your own experiences here, too. (thread)
i picked up shadowlands two weeks ago and started leveling. i've never played WoW endgame content before, but i wanted to try.
i picked up shadowlands two weeks ago and started leveling. i've never played WoW endgame content before, but i wanted to try.
i did the lvl 50 class tutorial, figured it had taught me my core skill rotation (lol), and hopped in. a few levels later, i did my first dungeon. i was the bottom of the DPS chart. then i died, and... died again. then my party kicked me out. pretty embarrassing. feels bad, man.
when i last played WoW (cataclysm, 2010) this kind of experience with dungeons was what caused me to put down the game-- and really, most online MP games. i didn't know how to get better, & most games don't teach you how to improve, so i simply avoided playing with other players.
there's a difference between then and now, though. after i got booted, i asked for help from my friend groups:
- they referred me to great guides for my class/rotation.
- some helped me figure out what i was doing wrong.
- some referred me to 3rd party addons i should install.
- they referred me to great guides for my class/rotation.
- some helped me figure out what i was doing wrong.
- some referred me to 3rd party addons i should install.
my DPS output has literally quadrupled since that moment last week. i "get" my class now.
i didn't always have access to groups of folks like this who would help me, though. and many of my friends who WOULD be interested in playing pvp or online MP games still don't.
i didn't always have access to groups of folks like this who would help me, though. and many of my friends who WOULD be interested in playing pvp or online MP games still don't.
not having access to social structures which facilitate improvement leads to stories like "i tried playing the MP mode/co-op mode, but i felt like i was doing everything wrong. my teammates flamed me, so i quit. now i don't play MP. it makes me feel horrible and ashamed."
not having access to social structures ALSO means you don't have friendly faces to nurture you through those first 100+ matches in pvp games where you just suck. everyone deserves friends who are gonna say "great job! next time, let's practice placing a ward & not tower diving."
not having a social group in an online games often means you never develop the resiliency to get in there, suck, learn from the sucking, adjust your play pattern, suck less, finally have that first awesome moment or clutch play, feel amazing, and want to come back for more.
there is a term for this pattern in broader psychology, which is "learned helplessness." essentially, you internalize that you are simply bad at these kinds of games and cannot improve, and that becomes a self-fulfilling cycle.
i internalized this learned helplessness even as i started playing MP games w/ friends. i would obsess: "i'm so bad at this game. they must hate me." later i realized-- they don't care. when i play with friends who are new, i'm just thrilled we're playing together. i don't care!
until i developed strong social groups ~5 years ago, i would have said "i dislike multiplayer co-op/pvp games."
but it turns out, i don't. i actually love them. they're 90% of what i play. i just never had a structure capable of supporting me through the hard, beginner stages.
but it turns out, i don't. i actually love them. they're 90% of what i play. i just never had a structure capable of supporting me through the hard, beginner stages.
of course, toxicity is a huge factor in this problem. if toxicity were lower in many of these big MP games, then learning to play *without* a social group wouldn't be as feelsbad as it is. i think that's a problem we are far from solving, but trust me, every dev i know is trying.
anyway--if this story resonates with you, ask yourself: is there a group in your life that's available for you to lean on? i've always had friends who played these games. i just felt bad & shameful for "wasting their time" as i learned. that's the learned helplessness talking.
i think there are essentially two groups: people who have always had a social structure and love playing online MP games, and people who haven't and don't (or who just muscle through solo queue somehow-- if so, you're a hero.) i want to see more crossover between the two.
and i want to see devs building support into the software to facilitate the first group having a better experience, and i want to see more groups supporting folks who are learning to play online MP games and struggling through it. that's the future i hope to see & build.
