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We had a realization today: many times when we switch without realizing/knowing who we are, it’s because we’re not prioritizing figuring out who we are. We’re instead focusing on meeting singlet expectations.
I’m talking about situations where you feel a switch occur, but don’t know who you are after you switch in, and have a relatively continuous experience of doing what whoever was before you was doing. Eg, feeling a switch occur, but not being able to identify who you are afterward
What sparked this was a 2 hour conversation with friends, both of whom were singlets (and we’re not openly switching around). We switched twice in the conversation, and noticed it, but didn’t figure out who we were in the moment.
However, when we had the relatively similar experience of a long conversation while switching with @WeAreAlexandra on stream a few weeks ago, we noticed the switches, and then subsequently were able to figure out who we were.
What changed?
What changed?
When we were talking with the Alexandrite’s, we were in a plural space. During those felt switches, we allowed ourselves to pause, express that we were switching and needed a moment, figure out who we are, and THEN reorient to the situation and continue with what we were doing.
However, when talking with our singlet friends, our priority wasn’t on us. We were worried about the conversation, picking up where the other person left off, remembering what we were going to say, and maintaining (singlet normative) connection with others.
Situations where we’re holding ourselves to singlet norms leaves us desperately focused on maintaining perceived outward continuity or holding seamless conversation. In the relatively short time after switching, we pour all our energy & effort into upholding those norms -
- instead of focusing on ourselves, figuring out who we are, & letting the conversation continue naturally (and more organically) from there.
In essence, we’re prioritizing the situation & singlet’s expectations over ourselves, and that’s stopping us from knowing who we are
In essence, we’re prioritizing the situation & singlet’s expectations over ourselves, and that’s stopping us from knowing who we are
Now that we’ve realized, moving forward we hope to intentionally give ourselves space to pause & figure ourselves out in conversations (either by being out as plural, or another excuse). By acknowledging this interpersonal expectation, we can address it’s presence in our life
And, yknow, work on not continuing to put the expectation that we need to act like singlets and uphold singlet-norms in interpersonal situations over our own self-knowledge and needs. This stuff can be deep seated and hard to undo, but we want to undo it in ourselves 
(And obviously, it’s also ok to not know who you are, and just vibe in that space! & it’s also ok if you resonate w this but aren’t in the space to work on it. Hopefully this is helpful for folks experiencing similar things, and creates space to introspect on the topic 
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