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So upon reading back through this thread, we realized we never actually... described how we experience system responsibility.
So here it is: a better description of how we experience system responsibility as a people-based system aiming for healthy multiplicity. https://twitter.com/theringssystem/status/1261455784094904320
So here it is: a better description of how we experience system responsibility as a people-based system aiming for healthy multiplicity. https://twitter.com/theringssystem/status/1261455784094904320
The well-known model of system responsibility is parts-based: “We’re parts of one person - anything one alter does we all have the capacity for. We must accept each other’s actions bc we’re all parts of a whole.”
This is incredibly valid, and can be powerful for systems...
This is incredibly valid, and can be powerful for systems...
... but the parts model of sys responsibility just doesn’t work for us. And that’s ok too!
Our model for system responsibility is based on a mix of living with people you genuinely love and care about, and being part of an organization where everyone shares group responsibility.
Our model for system responsibility is based on a mix of living with people you genuinely love and care about, and being part of an organization where everyone shares group responsibility.
We honestly haven’t had an experience of physically living with people we love until last summer... you just do things for them. Because you want them to be stress free and happy. And they do things back for you for the same reasons. And it all feels very good!
As in the first thread, our work towards healing is based in love and care for one another, and that extends to system responsibility. Our love for each other goes a long way when picking up responsibilities and taking care of each other.
On the other end, we’re also an orginization with a shared face. Just how co-coordinators of an org pick up slack for each other, hand off responsibilities, apologize for each other’s miscommunications to ppl, right each other’s wrongs in the name of the org - so does our system.
We have no better idea of how to explain this other than examples, so here are some ways we practice system responsibility from this framework:
(All names are just random examples, and could apply to anyone in our system)
(All names are just random examples, and could apply to anyone in our system)
If Erryn leaves the milk out on the counter, Diane will put it back because:
-We bought the milk & don’t want it to spoil- we’d have to buy another
-Even though Erryn left it out, it’s the nice thing to do to put it back
-Diane uses the milk too
-Erryn will return the favor later
-We bought the milk & don’t want it to spoil- we’d have to buy another
-Even though Erryn left it out, it’s the nice thing to do to put it back
-Diane uses the milk too
-Erryn will return the favor later
Lorianne often cleans up living spaces when others don’t, because:
-she enjoys it the most, and doesn’t see it as a chore
-other system members do things for her, such as pursuing academics & dealing w work.
-she’s cares about us, and is happy to do things so we’re less stressed
-she enjoys it the most, and doesn’t see it as a chore
-other system members do things for her, such as pursuing academics & dealing w work.
-she’s cares about us, and is happy to do things so we’re less stressed
Silver might have a responsibility to email someone. Roan does this while fronting because:
-Silver took on the commitment as one of our shared collective time
-Roan understands that upholding this responsibility is positive for our academic/work/social life .....
-Silver took on the commitment as one of our shared collective time
-Roan understands that upholding this responsibility is positive for our academic/work/social life .....
....
-When Roan makes similar commitments, Silver will help with those as well
-Silver might be more anxious about emailing, and Roan knows this is something they can do real quick. Might as well check it off to save Silver some anxiety later, because they care about them
-When Roan makes similar commitments, Silver will help with those as well
-Silver might be more anxious about emailing, and Roan knows this is something they can do real quick. Might as well check it off to save Silver some anxiety later, because they care about them
Peach miscommunicates something to our advisor, Erryn corrects it because:
-It was an honest mistake on Peach’s end
-it benefits the whole system to have a clear and correct schedule
-it takes 5 seconds and saves Peach stress later
-It was an honest mistake on Peach’s end
-it benefits the whole system to have a clear and correct schedule
-it takes 5 seconds and saves Peach stress later
If Iris accidentally breaks an external person’s belongings, Spike will still pay for it when he fronts later, because we share an income. Shared income means financial responsibility is also collective. (Like when you combine finances with your spouse)
When Robin loses our roommates keys, Montana will help look for them because:
-we care about our roommate
-Montana cares about Robin
-The situation sucks for everyone, it’s best to help fix it
This is similar to when our girlfriend loses something, we’ll help her look for it.
-we care about our roommate
-Montana cares about Robin
-The situation sucks for everyone, it’s best to help fix it
This is similar to when our girlfriend loses something, we’ll help her look for it.
If Lily does something that emotionally harms someone else and then switches out, Lorianne will talk to the person and try to remedy the harm. This can look like:
-Talking with the person
-Offering whatever physical or emotional support that can help in the situation
....
-Talking with the person
-Offering whatever physical or emotional support that can help in the situation
....
...
-Apologizing for Lily
-Scheduling time for Lily to talk to the person
-Correcting any physical manifestation of the harm (eg, removing posts, changing wording, separating spaces).
-Setting clear rules & boundaries for the system on the situation so it doesn’t happen again
...
-Apologizing for Lily
-Scheduling time for Lily to talk to the person
-Correcting any physical manifestation of the harm (eg, removing posts, changing wording, separating spaces).
-Setting clear rules & boundaries for the system on the situation so it doesn’t happen again
...
...
-taking/scheduling time in our life to make sure everyone in the system learns from the situation and makes a commitment to harm not occurring again.
-taking/scheduling time in our life to make sure everyone in the system learns from the situation and makes a commitment to harm not occurring again.
This models harm reduction in organizations. Years ago, when we saw a flyer for mental health advocacy that was ableist towards certain disabilities, we went to the org leader about it. They didn’t say “not my issue, because marketing team did that” they took responsibility.
They removed the flyer, apologized both for themselves and for marketing team, and then scheduled time for the whole organization to be informed of what happened & work on the issue so it doesn’t happen again.
Just how organizations have collective outward responsibility for each team member’s actions, our system has collective outward responsibility for each members actions. We’re responsible both to each other and for each other, as a collective group.
The themes are:
-the reciprocal nature of our relationships (I’ll help you with your responsibility, knowing you’ll help me later)
-love for each other (I’ll do this responsibility Bc it takes a weight off your back. I want you to be happy and healthy, I care about you).
-the reciprocal nature of our relationships (I’ll help you with your responsibility, knowing you’ll help me later)
-love for each other (I’ll do this responsibility Bc it takes a weight off your back. I want you to be happy and healthy, I care about you).
There’s a third theme of
-We are a collective group of people, as we are always fundamentally connected through sharing a body. Thus, we have collective responsibility for our actions (similar to an organization) and the harm individual group members cause.
-We are a collective group of people, as we are always fundamentally connected through sharing a body. Thus, we have collective responsibility for our actions (similar to an organization) and the harm individual group members cause.
Just as part-based system responsibility doesn’t work for us, our understanding of system responsibility doesn’t work for everyone. I’m sure there’s more ways systems have come to understand their collective responsibility, or found ways to healthily manage without.
Thanks for listening! We’d love to hear about other’s experiences of system responsibility in the comments, and would be happy to share more if anyone has questions :)
