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I've been seeing a lot of discussion on the "people ignore my opinion because I'm a straight white male", so here's my unasked for hot take on it (be warned, thread may wander because I have a lot of thoughts and feelings):
Here's the thing about opinions: just because you have one doesn't automatically give it worth.
And opinions don't live in isolation. Some opinions are fine to have and disagree on because they don't really affect other people's lives. For example, I like pineapple on pizza. This is a subjective (and surprisingly contentious) opinion that DOESN'T AFFECT OTHERS.
However, if I were to have the opinion that the government should ban abortions - that is now something that affects others and I cannot defend as being okay "just because it's my opinion".
And in these conversations another level is added to that. Namely, how much your opinion is influenced by education and experience with the topic. Like, I, as a white woman, can experience harassment or discrimination based on my gender. But NOT on my race.
I don't have the experience of a person of color, and as such, my opinion on topics about being a person of color are LESS RELEVANT. I don't live that experience, or discrimination, or harassment, and as such I automatically have less understanding of what it's like.
As an example: My best friend is Indian. When she was 5 or 7 she brought a metal chess set into an airport, the airport security flipped, tossed her luggage everywhere and basically were responding "I knew it, they must have weapons".
They found the chess set (which my friend had been telling them it was), shrugged, and left the luggage strewn everywhere for my friend to pick up. She was a kid. She experiences racism almost daily. She has to mentally prepare herself to go to all-white parties.
I've been friends with her over 15 years, but that is an experience I will never have or truly understand. She only told me about it recently. So how can I, as someone who is white, have an opinion of the same worth and relevance on stop-and-frisk policies as her?
It doesn't affect me the same way. And it doesn't mean my opinion doesn't matter, in fact it's precisely because white opinions get listened to more that we SHOULD be speaking up on this topic. But we should be listening to the people who know more about it.
When someone says "well you're a straight white male" they're not trying to exclude you from the discussion. They're asking you to understand that you are coming into their space and talking about things that will mostly affect them more than you.
And they're also asking you to understand that this is not an experience you've lived. You may have friends, or family, or lovers who have experienced it. But that is not the same as living it, and being adjacent to that experience does not automatically make your opinion valid.
This is even the case in different parts of the same communities: I'm bisexual so I deal with bi-erasure and bi-phobia. But I'm also in a relationship with a man, so I don't have to be afraid to hold hands with my partner in public. Or face violence because of who I love.
To sum up: Nobody is trying to exclude straight white males from the conversation (we couldn't if we tried). We're just asking them to consider that their opinion may not be the most important one in these discussions. And to listen first, and talk second.
