Read on Twitter
So I didn’t expect this to get as much attention as it has, and you know what that means. 
Thread time. https://twitter.com/tenaciousmandy/status/961280927014952960
Thread time. https://twitter.com/tenaciousmandy/status/961280927014952960
By way of background: as part of my degree program, I have spent the last year interviewing survivors of domestic abuse in conservative Christianity. I’ve talked about this a little bit before, and you’ll definitely hear me talk about it again.
There are two common themes that emerge with regard to a woman’s spiritual interactions and choices following her escape from an abusive marriage: the first is that she finds solace and safety in her faith, and is held and affirmed by her community. This is beautiful.
The second option is that she starts to see how her particular community and her particular faith leaders have embodied a lot of the same abusive behaviors and strategies that her spouse did.
There are churches (if you think these are one out of a million, or only in fringe groups, prepare to be surprised) where narcissistic behaviors like gaslighting, tight control, demands of subservience and silence, and abusive manipulation are committed by church leadership.
There are churches where women are stripped of their bodily autonomy at a very young age when their parents are taught violent discipline is the way to save their souls. These women learn that sometimes people who love you will inflict harm on you and that’s okay.
There are churches where women are turned into sex objects before they hit puberty, told to cover themselves to protect grown men from lust. These women learn the lesson that their bodies do not belong to them.
There are churches where girls and boys are shielded so thoroughly from sex that they never learn about basic sexual concepts like consent. Children of all genders learn early that men are allowed to take what they want from women.
There are churches were premarital counseling includes zero information about how domestic abuse looks, and what to do if someone starts to experience it in their marriage. This leaves victims of abuse alone when something starts to feel wrong but they were never educated on it.
There are churches were wives are told they should always have sex with their husbands when their husbands want it, because their own desires and needs don’t matter.
There are churches where women are taught they should be subservient to their husbands, and that their role is to create a harmonious and peaceful atmosphere in their home at any cost.
There are churches where, when women finally get the courage to tell their leadership about the abuse they are experiencing, they are told it is better to tough it out, and endure abuse rather than separating or divorcing.
And these churches, I am finding through every one of these heartwrenching, painful interviews, are not some fringe minority. These themes are shockingly common among these stories.
So when women finally leave their abusive spouses, in many cases, they start to see how the church and church leadership not only groomed them for this abuse, but often trapped them in it once it was happening.
And the similarities between women who escaped abusive marriages and people in general who escaped spiritually abusive churches are stunning. The same themes of authoritarianism, a denial of individuality or personhood, an emphasis on commitment even if you’re being harmed...
In these cases, for these women, spiritual abuse and spousal abuse go hand-in-hand. Their spouses would have been hard-pressed to start inflicting these kinds of abuse if the women had not been groomed from such a young age to receive it by very churches that claim to love them.
When you talk to women who escaped spousal abuse in conservative Christianity they will tell you that the way they were raised, taught the Bible, taught about God, and treated by their spiritual leaders played the biggest roles in the setup and continuation of their abuse.
Also please see this important reply: https://twitter.com/god_loves_women/status/961572719660806144?s=21
And, as always, this is grueling work and if you feel like hitting up my tip jar I’d be really grateful:
http://PayPal.me/welshirishgerman
Venmo: @TenaciousMandy
http://Patreon.com/therealreconstruction
http://PayPal.me/welshirishgerman
Venmo: @TenaciousMandy
http://Patreon.com/therealreconstruction
