Alright guys, it’s time for everyone’s favorite yearly adventure, “Jane fact checks the finances of Home Alone”

The trip to Paris would have cost an estimated $31K in 1990, FYI. http://seat17a.com/home-alone-taking-15-family-members-to-paris/

Also if a police officer was in my house for uh, four seconds, I’d notice. But no, no one notices Joe Pesci dressed as a cop.

The pizza alone costs $122.50 (granted, ten pizzas) and no one notices and NO ONE NOTICES THE COP, STILL.

Adjusted for inflation, that pizza costs roughly $228 today.

WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS MOVIE SO MEAN TO KEVIN?

Also in the pizza scene someone throws away a passport. Which would be a bad move the day before one flies to Paris.

Ah yes the neighbor kid who comes by and asks lots of questions and gets in the airport taxi vans, which would for sure happen.

From a post-9/11 perspective the airport scene might be the least believable in the movie, and I’m counting “the Wet Bandits surviving.”

Why does this family have so many mannequins? Why is Mr. McAllister so useless? Why on earth would you put a fig tree in a third floor hallway? Why would you invite Uncle Frank on this trip?

Also, how is “we called the police from the plane, they’re heading to your house right now” not the OBVIOUS SOLUTION?

Oh wait, the police in this movie ARE USELESS. “You mean you want us to check on your tiny child? Huh.”

Mrs. McAllister is the only voice of reason in this movie.

The Child Protective Services investigation following this incident would end some careers.

The pizza guy is apparently chased from this house by gunshots and does he call the police? No. No he does not.

Were you allowed to just hang out by departure gates in 1990? Were airports just lawless?

Again, Kevin’s mom is trying to get home to her young son and only John Candy is interested in helping her.

Why is this church empty on Christmas Eve? Even the parents of the children in the choir didn’t show up?

I have unlimited questions about this movie. Namely, why does this family own multiple mannequins?

The contents of the McAllister basement: mannequins, tar, roofing equipment, extremely long rope. This is the least safe household ever.

If an iron dropped on your head from about 12 feet, you would be severely concussed. http://theweek.com/articles/469307/diagnosing-home-alone-burglars-injuries-professional-weighs

And then there’s the moment in which it becomes very clear that the Wet Bandits want to kill Kevin. Who is a child.

Yes, he has tried to kill them. Castle doctrine, though.

In the end, “Home Alone” is a story of negligence and an utter lack of authority. Of one child standing athwart a horrifying death and then somehow cleaning up tar and broken glass by himself.

There’s not a child alive who knows how to clean up all of that stuff. I don’t even know how to clean up tar.

This movie also serves as a scathing indictment of suburban police. Will chase down a child who accidentally stole a toothbrush, won’t check on a child left alone at home.

Thank you for following along. Stay tuned for when I ruthlessly deconstruct “White Christmas.”