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There's a weird thing they never tell you about writing m/f romance. And it's this: you will become an expert in so many different ways our culture hates women.
It starts just with reading & writing it. You will understand how anything coded as feminine is knee-jerk devalued. How it's pigeonholed. The same well-meaning friend will tell you 15 times that she has no problem with romance she just likes books with action/fights/violence/etc.
(The first 7 times you'll tell her there's an entire subgenre called romantic suspense and wonder if she's not noticed you talking about researching the future of warfare.
Eventually you'll give up. Because you don't want to throw the books that are warm & fluffy under the bus)
Eventually you'll give up. Because you don't want to throw the books that are warm & fluffy under the bus)
You learn how many feminists now hate you, because your books are regressive and say that a woman can't be happy without a man. They haven't read your books but they know this because they just do, and also all romance heroines are submissive doormats.
You learn that you'll literally never be taken seriously again by most of the people outside the genre, except the ones who think you're in on the joke. Because that's what you are. A joke.
You'll get used to all of that stuff, because it's just the background noise. The real lessons are coming from inside the house.
You'll learn how much readers can hate heroines. You'll read reviews of your friends or your favs or even your own book and see the words.
Bitchy. Unlikable. Unsympathetic. Slut. Whore. TSTL. Ungrateful.
Bitchy. Unlikable. Unsympathetic. Slut. Whore. TSTL. Ungrateful.
You'll learn a hero can be forgiven for almost anything and a heroine for almost nothing. You'll explore the edges of Acceptable Heroine Behavior and get shocked by the electric fence guarding the edges.
Maybe you'll tell yourself not to factor that into your planning. Maybe you'll stay safely inside. No one should blame you. Those shocks hurt & the power bill is expensive.
By your 10th novel you'll know when you're getting close by the static at the back of your neck.
By your 20th you could walk the misogyny maze blindfolded. You know what shuts down empathy for your heroine.
By your 20th you could walk the misogyny maze blindfolded. You know what shuts down empathy for your heroine.
It's the weirdest, saddest super power I have. Sometimes I avoid the fence. Sometimes I drive straight at it like a battering ram.
I really want to knock it down.
I love everyone who drives at it. And all of you on the other side cheering when we put another hole in it.
I really want to knock it down.
I love everyone who drives at it. And all of you on the other side cheering when we put another hole in it.
Someone will read this thread and tell you that your books are like men building sex robots and romance has ruined millions of lives.
You'll make this face.
You'll make this face.
