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Hi. Today I’m here to talk about Arbitrary Dick Placement, which is my inappropriate name for the problematic fandom Discourse in m/m ships & fics: top/bottom/switching. And how, too often, said discourse furthers fallback on hetero gender roles and fetishization of m/m pairings.
Disclaimer: I’m a nb afab person, so I acknowledge I’m not an authority on the minds or struggles of cis queer men. Of course I absolutely welcome any queer men who want to educate me if I’m wrong here. I also know this ties into complex topics so this’ll hardly be comprehensive.
First off, top/bottom and dom/sub are different terms. The act of penetration isn’t as inherently tied to those aspects as people seem to believe, and the portrayals of those aspects too often tend to mirror or emphasize stereotypes.
Disproportionally focusing on this is a fallback on gendered heteronormative roles; personalities are exaggerated/misunderstood to make characters fit the “who’s the man & who’s the woman” concept without using that phrasing, so it slips by without being recognized as harmful.
Top vs. bottom is also too often a discussion NOT about relationship dynamics/personalities (dom and sub) but rather a disproportionate focus on the arbitrary intricacies of the act itself, which SHOULDN’T MATTER.
For example, being more of a “dom” doesn’t mean that that person can’t be penetrated; being more of a “sub” doesn’t mean that that person can’t be doing the penetration. There’s plenty of variation within there–&, it must be said, penetration isn’t the “end all / be all” of sex.
Simplifying relationship dynamics into just positions–particularly when it comes to penetration specifically–is idiotic at best and harmful at worst, showing a fundamental misunderstanding of relationships, while also adding an element of “Other” to the sex life of queer men.
Dominant & submissive dynamics (whether subtle or hardcore) also don’t mean those ~concepts~ extend to Everything outside the bedroom. In reality most relationships are probably far more equal in dynamic, especially because that equality is the backbone of healthy relationships.
Ultimately, say it with me: regardless of anything else, at the end of the day the physical positions of explicit fictional m/m acts are FAR LESS important than characterization and, to be honest, are nowhere as Deeply Important as this prevalent Discourse leads fans to believe.
Seeing emphasis on top/bottom ~designations~ for certain characters also makes it seem like these hardcore fan “opinions” are much less about characterizations and lowkey more like a p*rn preference–i.e. what turns one on more or less–and that’s where fetishization is a factor.
(ALSO as a side note, shipping IRL cis men together and fawning over queer couples disproportionately like you would over cute animals is another form of fetishization, but that’s a topic for another time.)
In conclusion, there are no hard-and-fast rules as to who can or “should” be penetrated, positions on a bed are entirely separate from dynamics, & focus should be on treatment of m/m characters as well-rounded PEOPLE independent of stereotypes that stem from hetero gender roles.
If you’re going to be picky about something, choose characterization / dynamics, not whose body parts go where. Ask yourself why you care so much about who’s penetrating who, and remember that debating ~jokingly~ isn’t a free pass to not examine your potentially-harmful thinking.
That’ll be all. Thank you for reading, as I do know this got long. Class dismissed, (my) frustration temporarily dispelled, etc.
Side note: Arbitrary Dicks would make a great band name.
Other side note: Be proud of me for not making the pun DICKcourse anywhere in here.
Side note: Arbitrary Dicks would make a great band name.
Other side note: Be proud of me for not making the pun DICKcourse anywhere in here.
