Read on Twitter
The world was dumb
The grass was black
Tolkien would like
His royalties back...
IT'S THE RETURN OF #TolkienFriday !!!
And it is time...
TO DIE.
But what then? What do the fine folk of Middle Earth do when hear and dear cark it?
Let's talk about FUNERALS.
The grass was black
Tolkien would like
His royalties back...
IT'S THE RETURN OF #TolkienFriday !!!
And it is time...
TO DIE.
But what then? What do the fine folk of Middle Earth do when hear and dear cark it?
Let's talk about FUNERALS.
I'm sorry, we're apparently all out of "Hey Dol Derry Dols, fuck-ding-a-drongos".
Blame @Thurinphir, who asked about "funerals in Middle Earth, including the nasty era of plague."
Blame @Thurinphir, who asked about "funerals in Middle Earth, including the nasty era of plague."
There's an awful lot of death in Middle Earth. Sure, it's first few unmeasured eons were practically death-free, they sure caught up in record time.
Horrible battles.
God-driven catastrophes.
Men-driven catastrophes.
MOAR BATTLES.
Plague.
MOOOOAR BATTLES...
Horrible battles.
God-driven catastrophes.
Men-driven catastrophes.
MOAR BATTLES.
Plague.
MOOOOAR BATTLES...
But what comes after?
Unsurprisingly, it rather depends on who's doing the dying and burying. It also depends on when the dying happened.
But for all that, Tolkien is actually pretty sparse on funereal practices.
Unsurprisingly, it rather depends on who's doing the dying and burying. It also depends on when the dying happened.
But for all that, Tolkien is actually pretty sparse on funereal practices.
We really only get one 'funeral' in any real detail, and Boromir's tragic passing away down the Falls of Rauros is probably not how most lords of Gondor go out.
But we'll get back to that...
For now, there's really only one place to start.
My friends...
But we'll get back to that...
For now, there's really only one place to start.
My friends...
And for that, we must, I am afraid...
GO BACK TO THE FIRST AGE.
#firstagebestage #suckitsecondage #thirdageisokayiguess #feanordidnothingwrongchangemymind
GO BACK TO THE FIRST AGE.
#firstagebestage #suckitsecondage #thirdageisokayiguess #feanordidnothingwrongchangemymind
However, we're not going back to Beleriand.
The oldest solid example of how folks treatededed dead folks is just southwest of a spot that will one day be called Bree, on the rolling hills and falls that lead down to the Baranduin, or the Brandywine River.
The oldest solid example of how folks treatededed dead folks is just southwest of a spot that will one day be called Bree, on the rolling hills and falls that lead down to the Baranduin, or the Brandywine River.
Here, the folk who would one day travel on Westward and become the Edain once settled, and they used these chalk downs to raise mounds over their dead.
This is, of course, the Tyrn Gorthad, better known as The Barrow Downs.
But there are no wights here... at least not yet.
This is, of course, the Tyrn Gorthad, better known as The Barrow Downs.
But there are no wights here... at least not yet.
Many scholars think - and I'm inclined to agree - that Tolkien was inspired by the impressive Wayland's Smithy in Oxfordshire.
And you can kinda see why...
And you can kinda see why...
It's basically what it looks like - an earth mound raised over a stone chamber, with impressive standing stones marking the 'door'.
These are all over England and north-western Europe, and while size and shape vary, the concept is pretty-much universal.
These are all over England and north-western Europe, and while size and shape vary, the concept is pretty-much universal.
And while there are few collections of barrows as large as the Barrow Downs, you do tend to find them clustered together.
So, person dies, people sob (well, some people are probably happy, but let's not get too grim), there's a feast and wake.
The dead dude and/or gal is celebrated, they're laid to rest with their best spoons and favourite hunting dogs, the door to the chamber is closed, and DIRT.
The dead dude and/or gal is celebrated, they're laid to rest with their best spoons and favourite hunting dogs, the door to the chamber is closed, and DIRT.
But.. do folks pray there? Do they visit each year, and pour one out for their dead, someday-to-be-wight homie?
We don't know.
We don't know.
But the proto-Edain were driven out by a wave of pesky (and somewhat problematic) Easterlings.
But they fuck off after Morgoth gets his, the proto Edain return, and life goes on.
MEANWHILE, IN NUMENOR...
But they fuck off after Morgoth gets his, the proto Edain return, and life goes on.
MEANWHILE, IN NUMENOR...
Welp, this is why we can't have nice things.
Once upon a time, Numenor was a shining light upon the sea, and folk knew how to die properly - when their time was ready with dignity. But then they invited Sauron a sea-change retreat, and he told them they didn't REALLY need to die
Once upon a time, Numenor was a shining light upon the sea, and folk knew how to die properly - when their time was ready with dignity. But then they invited Sauron a sea-change retreat, and he told them they didn't REALLY need to die
THE JERK.
But what did that stately death look like, in the good old days?
Sigh...
But what did that stately death look like, in the good old days?
Sigh...
DAMMIT LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!
"Then a great beauty was revealed in him, so that
all who after came there looked on him in wonder; for they saw that the grace of
his youth, and the valour of his manhood, and the wisdom and majesty of his age
were blended together... "
all who after came there looked on him in wonder; for they saw that the grace of
his youth, and the valour of his manhood, and the wisdom and majesty of his age
were blended together... "
"... And long there he lay, an image of the splendour of the
Kings of Men in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world."
Kings of Men in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world."
FUCKING HELL
But it's that last thing that tells you all you need to know.
Those kings are the early, non-jerk Numenoreans, and it was the jerk-Numenoreans who caused the breaking of the world.
Because FUCK SAURON.
Those kings are the early, non-jerk Numenoreans, and it was the jerk-Numenoreans who caused the breaking of the world.
Because FUCK SAURON.
So then the few non-jerk Numenoreans who got away settle down - at least in part - in Arnor, and who do they find waiting for them?
Those simple, mound-building folk. And after a while they too turn to raising mounds over their dead, like the old peoples.
Those simple, mound-building folk. And after a while they too turn to raising mounds over their dead, like the old peoples.
Only on Gondor is the habit of laying their folks in stately stone caskets in well-maintained graves amid elegant statuary and stone effigies maintained, in the Rath Dinen - the Silent Street - of Minas Tirith.
Which is where Aragorn lies.
Which is where Aragorn lies.
The folk of Rohan also raise mounds, but only for their Kings and the kingly-adjacent.
And I like to believe that this gives us our best idea of what a 'true' old-style mound funerals were like...
And I like to believe that this gives us our best idea of what a 'true' old-style mound funerals were like...
"Westu hál. Ferðu, Théodred, Ferðu."
But there is ONE other reference to how Mannish folk deal with their dead.
TAKE 'EM ALL WITH YOU!
That's how granny Denethor wanted to go out.
TAKE 'EM ALL WITH YOU!
That's how granny Denethor wanted to go out.
‘And only the heathen kings, under the domination of the Dark Power, did thus, slaying themselves in pride and despair, murdering their kin to ease their own death.’
That's what Gandalf says to Denethor, before saving Best Good Boy Faramir from the funeral pyre.
That's what Gandalf says to Denethor, before saving Best Good Boy Faramir from the funeral pyre.
Burn 'em. BURN 'EM ALL.
So, that's the world of Men.
Let's go to Orcs?
Yeah, let's not. It's almost certainly not... nice.
Let's go to Orcs?
Yeah, let's not. It's almost certainly not... nice.
So let's talk nasty, brutal, and short.
DWARVES!
So, again, real details are scant, and much like history we only really know how a dwarf of worth is treated in his death...
"They buried Thorin deep beneath the Mountain, and Bard laid the Arkenstone upon his breast."
DWARVES!
So, again, real details are scant, and much like history we only really know how a dwarf of worth is treated in his death...
"They buried Thorin deep beneath the Mountain, and Bard laid the Arkenstone upon his breast."
The Hobbit then goes to to describe pretty-boy Thranduil laying Orcrist upon his tomb, so we can assume that - some kind of stone structure is raised about him - which makes sense.
And I kinda like the idea of these vast underground tombs in the hollows of the mountain.
And I kinda like the idea of these vast underground tombs in the hollows of the mountain.
Which kinda takes us to Hobbits, and... oddly... we just don't know? There may well be something buried in Tolkien's voluminous correspondence, but nothing canonical.
It also doesn't help that most of the main Hobbit characters either bugger off to Valinor, or get buried with Aragorn and LOOK WHAT YOU DID I'M CRYING AGAIN
MERRY AND PIPPIN ARE SO GOOD GUYS
Whops, work... STUPID SPLERK.
Where were we... AH!
Elves.
FUCKING ELVES.
Where were we... AH!
Elves.
FUCKING ELVES.
Elves are... Well, they're Elves. Nothing - and I mean NOTHING! - is ever simple with Elves.
So, for one thing... the whole immortality thing. Imagine it - you're a thousand years old, you've named everything and it's dog, and someone just... dies.
So, for one thing... the whole immortality thing. Imagine it - you're a thousand years old, you've named everything and it's dog, and someone just... dies.
It is in fact death.
But do they die like other people OF COURSE THEY DO NOT.
But do they die like other people OF COURSE THEY DO NOT.
So, everyone in Middle Earth has a soul.
You die, soul goes somewhere.
Simples.
BUT
An Elf dies, it's complex - the soul does not go anywhere. Which is to say it does not leave Middle Earth. And its body?
It returns to the Earth. Which makes me realise...
You die, soul goes somewhere.
Simples.
BUT
An Elf dies, it's complex - the soul does not go anywhere. Which is to say it does not leave Middle Earth. And its body?
It returns to the Earth. Which makes me realise...
They die like Yoda dies.
SHIT
SHIT
