hello, evening twitter. please allow me to present to you a drunkenly curated thread of Dicks of the British Museum.

(all images copyright Trustees of the BM)

we'll *head* things off with this amber amulet, found in Europe at an unspecified date but presumably after circumcision became a thing. a/n WITT.177

check out this bronze amulet, ca 1700! Insert bronze disease joke here. a/n M.556.

there's about thirty of those, mostly mass-produced replicas of an earlier Roman amulet, but *some* of them have wings! somebody call red bull. a/n 2003,0331.26

want a slightly more subtle amulet option? got you covered! a/n WITT.183

okay this one is legitimately described as: "anatomical votive (?)" and if it were longer than one centimetre I'd honestly be like... bet. 18th century, a/n WITT.180

another amber dick! This one came with a leather and velvet carrying case, though, which is cool Treat them dicks with *care*. a/n WITT.116

"Badge in the shape of a walking phallus; crowned; legs missing. 14th century". y'all i *cannot* with medieval pilgrims sometimes. a/n OA.10815

CAPTION CONTEST

a/n 1985,0201.1189 (Romano-British)

this roman lady dropping a dick on a flaming altar is an entire mood. a/n 1814,0704.1498

look, BM, i'm just gonna go out on a limb and say this 7 inch long glazed terracotta 'charm' was... probably not worn about somebody's neck. a/n 1982,0406.10

ditto with this 'club'. 5th century, a/n Am1979,10.1

dick so good it's worth its weight in gold (1st CE, India) a/n 1894,0506.7.

this is a lovely 'cup'. i mean it's not hollow but sure. a cup. a/n 1924,1201.178

cavemen are gay, Karen
a/n 2013,2034.4692

there are SO MANY cave art dicks but most of them are reproduction-restricted so like, just go look yourself. carrying on

this is the size of a dessert plate. i'm just saying. a/n WITT.294

this is the wax seal of the 18th c Benison Society, which a) we should absolutely bring back so that b) I can get one of these. a/n M.567

sir you may want to see a doctor i don't think it's supposed to do that. a/n 1973,0501.23

......dick head. a/n 1814,0704.296

And finally, because this has gone on long enough, have a dick candle-holder, because there is zero way that this could go wrong. a/n EA90351

if you want more, head over to the BM website, click 'online collections', and search 'phallus'. have fun!

(special shout out to the seven of my friends who, on reading the first tweet in this thread, implored me not to share headshots of the Trustees of the Museum. y'all, would i do such a thing. WOULD I.)