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While it sounds obvious, sometimes the obvious is worth stating: the pandemic has altered the ways people have to draw support from their friends networks. The pandemic distorts the shape of the social fabric which provides us with our needs, both physical and intangible.
Maslow's hierarchy is a loaded concept if you get too heavy into the psychology of it, but for the average person, it works well as a shorthand to convey this concept that people need a variety of things, both physical and intangible, in order to be healthy and happy.
Humans are functionally eusocial, which means we can't really operate as autonomous individuals - we build societies in part to provide us with reliable networks for addressing the needs we have. Supply chains provide us with food, shelter, heat, etc.
Fun fact: octopuses are *not* eusocial - they live alone - and there is speculation that, if they were more social, they would be as intelligent and accomplished as humans.
That is: humans accomplish what we do because of our social ability, not innate individual intelligence
That is: humans accomplish what we do because of our social ability, not innate individual intelligence
Humans get our physical needs (food, shelter, medical care, etc.) from the social network, and the shape of that has changed over the pandemic, in obvious ways.
We do more shopping online, we use telehealth, many have changed where we live, etc.
We do more shopping online, we use telehealth, many have changed where we live, etc.
Changing the way we use a network means the network has to adapt to the new shape of the load it has to support.
We saw this happen in real-time last spring, when there were shortages of groceries and toilet paper and paper towels.
We saw this happen in real-time last spring, when there were shortages of groceries and toilet paper and paper towels.
There is evidence that the toilet paper shortage wasn't (only) a "run" (people stockpiling toilet paper), but also the effect of shifting toilet paper consumption from a residential/commercial mix to ~exclusively residential.
(In short: more people pooping at home.)
(In short: more people pooping at home.)
The average demand for toilet paper hasn't changed over the last year. People still poop about as much as they did before the pandemic. But they've changed *where* they do it, so supply chains had to adapt.
Fewer wholesale orders at offices, more retail sales at grocery stores.
Fewer wholesale orders at offices, more retail sales at grocery stores.
These examples of how we've changed the way we draw our physical needs from the social network that forms society are easy to see and relate to.
We've also done the same thing with our intangible needs, but that can be harder to see, because... well, they're intangible.
We've also done the same thing with our intangible needs, but that can be harder to see, because... well, they're intangible.
We're often not conscious of our intangible needs: the emotional support and satisfaction we get from our friends through social interaction, companionship.
Humans are generally good at seeking out what we need, given familiar circumstances, but that's often done subconsciously.
Humans are generally good at seeking out what we need, given familiar circumstances, but that's often done subconsciously.
Because we're used to obtaining our social needs subconsciously, when our social network changes shape (due to, hypothetically, a pandemic that changes the way we can communicate and interact), it's harder for us to adapt to obtaining them from the new environmental conditions.
The pandemic means we might still be in contact with the same number of people, but a smaller set is now responsible for a greater portion of our social needs.
Because, our social needs aren't lower during a pandemic. (If anything, they're higher, from the external stressor). We still need the same things, but we're interacting with fewer people in-person, so that smaller group is responsible for a greater share than they were before.
We offset this a bit by relying more on our "remote" friends than before for some of the needs which our in-person friends gave us, but overall, the load definitely shifts towards those people, on-net
This is tough, because "people we interact with in-person" and "our closest friends" are overlapping groups, but they're not the same!
Suddenly, we have so many more factors to consider with in-person interaction.
Suddenly, we have so many more factors to consider with in-person interaction.
One of my best friends lives in a different neighborhood. Logistically, seeing each other in-person safely is possible, but more challenging than before. He's still one of my best friends (and he would say the same), just not physically closest (ie, nearest).
A few months ago, this best friend told me that he had an anxiety attack which triggered an intense, month-long depressive episode. He managed to stay afloat with work and everything, but it was a real struggle for that month, and he didn't tell me until afterwards.
Why?
Why?
During that time, he relied primarily one one of his other friends who lives down the street. He took care of his health himself, but having someone who could visit physically once a day gave him the necessary support and strength to manage his health.
I was in contact with him the whole time, but it was easier for him not to tell me about it, because the support he needed was a type he couldn't get over text, and so talking to me about it would have required spending the very energy he needed.
On the flip side, his friend who lived down the street ended up having to step up and fill in, because she was able to support him in a way most of his other close friends couldn't, due to the pandemic distorting the shape of the social network that we draw our needs from.
Am I offended that he didn't rely on me during that time? Of course not, and his other friend wasn't upset that she had to step up and fill in either. We all understood that surviving the pandemic requires different strategies than we're used to.
That's the reason why I'm talking today about social networks and octopuses and toilet paper.
It's helpful to remember that we're serving different roles for our friends than we were before - and conversely, that we're relying on our friends in different ways.
It's helpful to remember that we're serving different roles for our friends than we were before - and conversely, that we're relying on our friends in different ways.
