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I’ve lived the way most have in this pandemic for the last 8 years. This is not to minimize other people’s suffering, but to help provide some helpful insight.
I have hit rock bottom many times. The last two weeks was one of those times. The resounding thought in my head is, “I can’t do this anymore. There is only so much one person can take.”
During these days all I can seem to do is lie on the couch and stare at the TV. My dishes pile up. Calls go unanswered. The blinds stay closed.
I’m gracious with myself and I see those “pity” days as vital to the process of getting back up again. But there always comes a point where I have to make a choice.
Will I continue to immerse myself in self pity or will I dare to get up and try again?
I’ve done this a hundred times, but eventually I decide to live again — to face the pain my body feels when I do basically anything; to endure through the fatigue, the pounding heart, the brain fog.
I start small: I take out the trash. I wash my dishes. I cover myself in praise. I remind myself that this is one of the bravest things I will ever do. Because despite the unrelenting symptoms, I decide to continue living.
Isn’t that the bravest thing we can do? To focus on the flicker of light where there is consuming darkness.
Over time, I’ve seen that those “I can’t do this anymore” days don’t last forever. That gives me hope the next time I experience this. It also builds my resilience. The human will is so much stronger than we think. YOU are so much stronger than you think.
If you’re at a point in this pandemic when you think, “I can’t do this anymore,” I invite you to have a pity day or a pity hour or whatever you can muster. Then, when the time comes: pick yourself up, do the hard things, and choose to live.
