(fem!jc, qicheng, pining lxc)

Act virtuously. Be loyal and filial. Do not envy. Do not covet that which belongs to others. Restrain yourself, as is the meaning of the forehead ribbon.

As Sect Leader, Lan Xichen has failed many of the precepts of his own clan.

Jiang Wanyin, the Second Mistress of YunMeng Jiang, had scarcely registered his attention when she arrived to study at the Cloud Recesses. He had seen her as an ally during the Sunshot Campaign, when she was grieving and full of rage at her decimated clan, both of them only

united by the common enemy of the Wens.

After the war was over, Lan Xichen thought nothing more of her, returning to Gusu Lan to finish rebuilding the charred remnants of the Cloud Recesses, and would have continued in his indifference had their paths not crossed once again.

Jiang Wanyin personally came to the Cloud Recesses to see his uncle with a proposal. The last of the older generation whom she still trusted, she reached out to him for help, as his previous student, and brought the plight of the wen remnants to his uncle's attention,

her desire to reunite with her shixiong - as one of her last remaining family - and no matter how much Xichen's uncle disapproved of Wei Wuxian, the desire to reunite with family was completely understandable.

They would marry, Gusu Lan would ally with YunMeng Jiang, the Wen

remnants - innocents - would be housed at Lotus Pier with their names and clothes changed, their reparations secured by rebuilding the place their clan destroyed. The Stygian Tiger Seal would be eradicated, and Wei Wuxian under the tutelage of YunMeng Jiang once again.

Wangji would be happy with this, Xichen absently thought, and attended his uncle's wedding with a smile, knowing that his uncle was fond of her, and hopeful of their union's happiness.

The marriage produced a son - and Xichen resents the way Jiang Wanyin - his aunt-in-law-

a woman younger than him - gently cradles his infant cousin and smiles at his uncle, and not at him.

He was too blind and too late to see her beauty and courage - silently wondering, in the dark hours of the night, why she had not chosen him instead, someone much closer to her

age.

(It is because they are both Sect Leaders, and neither could be the subservient spouse to each other.)

(Even though shufu occupies the position of the wife in his marriage, he still regularly resides in the Cloud Recesses.)

(He could have been in shufu's place.)

(He could have been by Jiang Wanyin's side.)

Restraint is a heavy burden he is always carrying. Each day he winds his ribbon across his forehead, he feels it like a physical brand. Each time he sees Jiang Wanyin greet him politely, his hands tremble with the desire to touch her.

Each day he meets his uncle's wife, clad in vivid purple and pale blue accoutrements, carrying his infant cousin, he understands - and resents - the difficulty of Gusu Lan's rules.

Weary of the burden he bears, Xichen lets his tired muscles slip once in a sip of alcohol -

letting the liquid burn through him for the temporary ease it brings - rather than dissipating it with his golden core - and he is driven by a single-minded desire for a woman, advancing toward her before she can react and pulling her into an intimate embrace,

ignoring the baby nestled against her and sealing his lips over hers, muffling the her squeak of surprise and taking from her what does not belong to him.

She shoves him away with a painful jab of her shoulder when he does not move, and her blue eyes are wide and outraged,

both her hands curling around her young son.

"Zewu-jun, what is the meaning of this?" She yells, blazing with fury and indignation, "Your uncle is my husband!"

He reaches out for her, but she takes a step back in disgust, and he feels his heart shatter.