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As someone who has been kidnapped this was something I understood. That fear. That terror. I empathized and sympathized with sai and believed them and wanted so badly for them to be okay just for it to be a lie. I’m legit just crying in my bed. Why would you fucking do that???
I remember a year ago people trying to find out where the fuck I was and starting hashtags and trying to find out if I was alive. I still feel bad that I wasn’t able to tell them and wasn’t even in a place where I knew where I was and for someone to lie about that is hurting me.
Like this shit is traumatizing. I was fucking terrified for them. I wanted them to be okay. I was angry for them for people attacking them and calling them a scammer. I was angry and wanted them to be protected. I wanted them to be okay so fucking bad. All for it to be a lie.
I feel like shit. I remembered the fear I felt when me and my friend were ziptied and driven somewhere we didn’t know where we were. I felt the terror. I remember that feeling of me feeling like I may never see my family or friends again. I remember all of that fear.
I wanted to believe them and I did believe them because that happened to me. I was taken. When it happened so many people spread it around and supported me and have continued to support me. I was happy that at least someone was showing them support care and wanting them to okay
I feel this knot in my stomach and I just can’t stop crying. No one wants that fear or to feel that scared or like they may never see their friends or family again. All I wanted was for this story to have a happy ending. And now I just feel like shit
I feel like I’m reliving my own fear and what I felt when it was happening to me
It’s worse cus I KNOW this is going to be weaponized against Trans people and especially Black Trans people and Women who have done nothing wrong and don’t deserve that hate or anger or violence and it’s not fair to them
Black Trans people are already marginalized and targeted and I know that people are going to use this as an excuse to invalidate them and be transphobic and possibly be violent towards them and that’s NOT FAIR
I’m so fucking angry I feel like I’m just seeing red. I just feel hurt and anger. What happened to me wasn’t some joke I could play off. It was my fucking life. And I thought I was going to die.
When I finally did get home I just cried and had to tell my own mother how I thought I was going to die. I was just a husk of a person for MONTHS. Fear and crying and just feeling like shit.
Today was a fucking rollercoaster and I need a break. I just need a fucking break. I feel like I’m going to fucking vomit. I’m just exhausted. I just can’t do anything right now.
Also PLEASE do NOT use this as a reason to be transphobic to them!! Transphobia is not it and nobody deserves that!!
