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Rush Limbaugh was terribly jealous of my relationship with Larry King. One time he showed up wearing nothing but a pair of suspenders, one clipped to each testicle. Larry came out in a bathrobe and kicked his ass, Larry had that famous temper.
Rush would eat my shit, right out of the toilet and demand “Does Larry do that for you? Does he?” It was pathetic. I kept sleeping with him though, I felt sorry for him. His penis never worked and was bent into a pretzel shape. I used to fan it with a paper towel till he came.
One time Larry and I were at the Russian Tea Room and Rush staggered in, covered in blood and horse manure. He began to drunkenly propose to me and that was enough for Larry, he leapt across the table, gouging out one of Rush’s eyes with a caviar spoon.
That’s why Rush wore an eyepatch though he told people a hummingbird did it.
Anyway RIP to Rush Limbaugh, my secret lover, my dingleberry snuffler my diarrhea chugger— may he cavort happily in the afterlife with my other lovers who were also really into scat play: Larry King, Mr. Peanut, Charles Manson and Orville Redenbacher 
