Some people are so used to being disappointed that their instinct is to push people away before being pushed. The thing is, with this habit, you could easily end up pushing away someone who was never going to abandon you.

“You can’t push someone away if they’re meant for you”.

I think this is a naive way of thinking, which is used to make us feel better about losing people through our own behaviours. People can be great for you and still choose to leave if you’re hurting or mistreating them.

I don’t like suggesting that if someone is meant for you they will stick around through everything. I think as human beings with free will, we also have the capacity to jeopardise what is meant for us. Sometimes blessings miss us because of our own behaviours.

With this said, I also don’t want people to read my previous two tweets and self-blame. Often, pushing people away is linked to childhood trauma and is a defence mechanism that has developed through no fault of your own. But... It’s also your responsible to tackle this.

I know vulnerability can be scary and the thought of being disappointed can feel crippling... But equally, it’s painful when someone gives their best to a person, only for them to be constantly shut out, shut down, or even disrespected because that person is scared.

If you find yourself in a push and pull cycle with people, one good thing you can do (outside the luxury of therapy) is to talk. Talk to the people you may potentially push away and be honest about your feelings. Also, tell them to talk to you when you display certain behaviours.