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With so much talk around mentorship this week, I thought I’d share a few (admittedly unsolicited) thoughts on how to be a better mentor OR mentee.
Context: My life was shaped in an unimaginable number of ways by my mentor and the countless hours he made himself available to me from age 19 until he passed in my late 20s. I miss him every single day and treasure his memory. We named our son after him.
I’ve also tried to live by his example and set aside as much time as physically possible for the next generation of talent. I’m not sure if many would consider me a mentor, but I do try to offer advice in an ongoing and focused way when my experience seems it could be helpful.
For mentors, I would say: Don’t try to be perfect. Be human. Be candid. Acknowledge your flaws and areas of weakness. Don’t linger on them, but also don’t pretend they haven’t been a huge part of your life experience.
Good mentors are also proactive. Sure, schedule ongoing chats, but also reach out when you see a mentee struggling—or succeeding. Offer advice or just encouragement. Let them know you’re part of their life, not just an oracle to visit by scheduled appointment.
For mentees: Be patient. You’re seeking advice and guidance, not opportunities. My only bad experiences as a mentor have been when younger talent leveraged our connection for a job / project and then ghosted. (I’ve learned to be better about catching that vibe earlier.)
Mentees should also focus on using a mentor’s time wisely. Bring questions and try to have an intention for each conversation: What’s the one thing you truly want to get out of this specific chat? It’s fine for the conversation to be fluid, but not formless.
When mentorships transition into less formal arrangements and more toward an ongoing conversation via text, DM etc., that’s a good time for mentees to be blunt about their specific asks: Need a reference? A connection? A set of eyes on a recruiter response? ASK!
Mentees don’t need to apologize for asking mentors for urgent/timely help. Don’t abuse that access, of course, but don’t miss the opportunity for a mentor’s advice because you’re worried it might sound intrusive. They’re there for you!
I realize it might sound contradictory to say “Don’t use mentors for opportunities” and then say “Don’t hesitate to ask for a mentor’s help.” The key is patience and taking the time to build a mutually respectful relationship first.
My last point that younger folks likely don’t realize: Mentorship is ABSOLUTELY a two-way street when it comes to how rewarding it can be. I feel practically thrumming with energy after a chat with someone whose success is a tremendous priority in my life.
I hope you all find someone who brings wisdom, kindness and confidence into your life the way my mentor did for me. And I know you will return the favor tenfold as a mentor and manager yourself.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and questions on mentorship. My only request with replies is that we stay a bit positive and focus less on how we feel others do it wrong vs how we’d like to see it done right.
