So I’m not getting a vaccine next week - was feeling weird about why I’d been selected ahead of others so rang GP to check. Turns out they had my height as 6.2cm rather than 6 ft 2, giving me a BMI of 28,000

I mean I’ve put on a few pounds in lockdown but not that many
Don’t mind me guys, I’m just here living my 6.2 cm, 17.5 stone best life
When I told my mum I had been classed in the clinically obese category, she said 'well perhaps this is the wake-up call you need'
Coming soon: Tom Thumb's summer body workout plan
Always a bit nervous when you get a 'no caller ID' ringing you
It's ok though, this was just a man ringing to tell me that I'm a morbidly obese pancake
It's ok though, this was just a man ringing to tell me that I'm a morbidly obese pancake