Every so often on twitter, someone decides it's feminist to assume every age gap marriage is exploitative, creepy, or in some other way, suspicious. Today is our 20th wedding anniversary: we met when I was 18 and he was 39 (it was 8 yrs before we began a relationship). #thread

We have edited two books together and written one. He has proof read every single book I wrote, and indexed at least three of them. He has been unfailingly supportive and more than once put my career before his. He has supported me through two major scary illnesses.

He is in his 70s: in our time together he has learned more about feminism, changed his ideas on gender, listened to marginalised friends and Done the Work. He's not perfect, but then neither am I.

Age is not really an indicator of anything. Some age gap relationships are abusive, some peer relationships are abusive. Some Old Farts are Old Farts and some Old Farts are people who understand that their ideas becoming outdated is the very definition of *progress*.

So as my anniversary present today I'd ask you: please stop with knee jerk assumptions about what age gaps mean. Not least because in my personal experience, the people who condemn age gaps most vociferously are the ones who treat younger wives with most disrespect.