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Given the discourse on therapy on here, time for a personal story.
Special shoutout to @default_friend and @bimboubermensch for inspiring this
A thread:
Special shoutout to @default_friend and @bimboubermensch for inspiring this
A thread:
When I was 10/11, I was diagnosed with anxiety. I was always a nervous kid. Maybe I was born that way. Maybe I missed my parents who were rarely home. Maybe I was dropped on my head. Who knows.
As time went on, my life seemed to split.
On the surface, I was doing great. I was coming out of my shell, meeting friends im still close with, talking to girls, etc.
But underneath, a cold gnawing hole was opening deep in my heart.
On the surface, I was doing great. I was coming out of my shell, meeting friends im still close with, talking to girls, etc.
But underneath, a cold gnawing hole was opening deep in my heart.
I was a "high acheiver". Top 5% of the class, poised to go to a top uni. Gifted/High IQ.
But I burnt out. Early.
I quit the hockey team I was being groomed to captain.
Passions were fleeting, fading into a dull grey.
Tiger parents didn't help.
But I burnt out. Early.
I quit the hockey team I was being groomed to captain.
Passions were fleeting, fading into a dull grey.
Tiger parents didn't help.
Uni was more intense. My chronically disorganized self wasn't ready.
And so, come December 2016, I slept through my final in the only class I was doing well in.
And so, come December 2016, I slept through my final in the only class I was doing well in.
I cant explain to you how I felt that night. I spent the night in the psych ER and I took a year off from school.
And I started therapy (school mandated, "ironically")
And I started therapy (school mandated, "ironically")
Now, I understand the opposition to therapy. I went through at least 10 psychs. Bad vibes. Only way to describe it.
I get it: "therapists are there to pacify you to accept our F'd up world". To a degree you're right.
I get it: "therapists are there to pacify you to accept our F'd up world". To a degree you're right.
But you're also wrong. There are those of us who will not be fixed by a swift kick in the pants to get us eating properly, working out, sleeping well, etc.
All those are important of course, but depression is a different animal. It's like an elephant sitting on your chest.
All those are important of course, but depression is a different animal. It's like an elephant sitting on your chest.
Many of us, myself included, are broken in some way. We struggle to relate properly to the world and to others. To build meaningful connections.
Yeah, "Tumblr depression" exists. But art hoes do not delegitimize the entire history of art.
Yeah, "Tumblr depression" exists. But art hoes do not delegitimize the entire history of art.
Getting a proper diagnosis and not just "depression. Take these pills" is life-changing.
It is as if someone has brought out the inner core of your very being and showed it to you. I can't really describe what those moments were like.
It is as if someone has brought out the inner core of your very being and showed it to you. I can't really describe what those moments were like.
The problem, of course, is that very few therapists are truly qualified to help people like me in those struggles to relate.
I'm lucky. After 10 therapists, I found one who legitimately changed (saved?) my life. We still talk. I will be inviting him and his family to my wedding.
I'm lucky. After 10 therapists, I found one who legitimately changed (saved?) my life. We still talk. I will be inviting him and his family to my wedding.
Of course, what I am saying is that there is, in fact, a proper way (ways?) to relate to other people and to the World.
Ex: My therapist said my search for a "transcendental twin" was misguided and would only cause me pain.
Ex: My therapist said my search for a "transcendental twin" was misguided and would only cause me pain.
And the problem is that in a world where we have abandoned any notion of what a proper relationship (intimate or otherwise) is supposed to look like besides consent, harm, and hedonic fulfillment (or commercial benefit), what model individuals can therapy point to?
I'm lucky my therapist is happily married with kids. I'm lucky he had an independent mind (I didn't even know R.D. Laing was political when my therapist gave me a book by him). I'm lucky he let me borrow his copy of the Bhagavad Gita.
In other words, I am lucky my therapist knew what a healthy relationship (to others and the World) looks like, and affirmed that knowledge by *living* it. "Skin in the Game" or something.
Yes therapists are largely useless.
Yes therapy is largely part of a managerial-therapeutic state trying to placate you to live in our clown world.
But do not toss the baby out with the bathwater.
Yes therapy is largely part of a managerial-therapeutic state trying to placate you to live in our clown world.
But do not toss the baby out with the bathwater.
I have seen bad therapy and good therapy.
And while the quantity of the former outweighs the latter by a lot, the *impact* of the latter is immeasurably greater than the impact of the former.
And while the quantity of the former outweighs the latter by a lot, the *impact* of the latter is immeasurably greater than the impact of the former.
The goal must be to have therapists who are genuinely qualified to help people relate to the world properly.
And that means recovering more substantive notions of healthy relationships, beyond "harm", "consent", and "fulfillment".
And that means recovering more substantive notions of healthy relationships, beyond "harm", "consent", and "fulfillment".
