I hate *so much* how we tell people who experience harm that forgiveness is a necessary part of healing. I think that idea came about to keep people who have been harmed from talking about it— because if it still bothers you enough to mention it, it means you aren’t healed.

For me, personally, earning my forgiveness requires acknowledgment and accountability. And some people are never ever ever going to get there.

It doesn’t make me broken or unhealed that I’ve chosen to draw a line and say, “You don’t get to treat me a certain way and have me extend forgiveness to you as an automatic right.” It makes me a person with (really hard-won) boundaries.

I won’t pretend to know what “healing” actually means. But uh, I’m doing fine.