Honestly tired of the romanticisation of suffering esp among Muslims. I am done hearing about how tests are preparing you for this or that or how patience will see you through or how the pain cleanses you I just want NO MORE PAIN and I refuse to patiently accept it any longer.

Please just allow me to grieve and feel shitty without some moral victory. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and there's no other reason for it. And not being ok with it is a perfectly OK and NORMAL response!

It's hard enough suffering without the added pressure of worrying whether or not your response to it is 'Muslim' enough. Wallahi God knows your pain better than you do yourself and is merciful beyond your imagination & will love you NO MATTER HOW your mind+body respond in crisis.

I am not ok and I can't remember when I was last ok and idk when I will be ok and God knows this! God knows that I am human and traumatised and will never expect from me more than I can give, including patience, strength or putting on a brave face.

What really irks me is ppl presuming that because they have suffered, or had a similar experience and made it through, they can tell other people how to be. No you cannot! It is impossible for you to know what it was like for *me* to live through what I lived through so pls stop.

People have turned trauma and self-help into a grift and it sickens me. Just let people deal with things in their own way instead of preaching at them I beg you. Not every day talk about things you don't fully understand.

I am tirrreeddd of empty platitudes that actually make me feel like a bad Muslim because my response isn't what the ideal response should be during hardship. Comforting someone doesn't have to be offering meaningless words, better to listen & stay silent and ask how you can help.

Anyway all this to say that I am over feeling this way and at the point where I'd really rather feel better now than have greater reward or a better akhirah of whatever. And I want to be able to say it out loud without being judged as a bad Muslim.