the stories of ex-antis - traumatized people who end up deep in anti-shipping circles b/c of their trauma, find themselves completely isolated from non-antis, and come out the other end terrified of their former 'friends' - are practically identical to the stories of ex-TERFs https://twitter.com/proshipconfess/status/1349103578766577664

anti-shippers derive a lot of their rhetoric from nonintersectional radical feminists, particularly SWERFs. But another thing anti-shippers and TERFs/SWERFs have in common is membership in High Demand Groups, i.e. cults or cultlike communities.

members (and ex-members) of High Demand Groups/cults are typically victims of predatory group behavior, including love-bombing, false marketing, emotional manipulation, mental abuse/brainwashing, & isolation from outside influences.

new members are typically recruited after something has destabilized their life (anything from a disrupted worldview to severe injury/death of a loved one).

after being drawn in by false marketing and overwhelmingly positive treatment by current members (love-bombing)-->

-->the new member is softened up for incoming emotional and mental manipulation, abuse, and group social pressure.

Combined with social isolation, the new member is brainwashed into accepting the 'worldview' - i.e. alternate reality - of the High Demand Group.

the alternate reality that group members live in is so radically departed from actual reality that indoctrinated members self-enforce their isolation.

Nobody outside 'understands' or 'gets it', so friendships w/outsiders wither and fall away. outsiders can't be trusted anymore.

interactions with outsiders end up being about proselytizing - getting others to accept and parrot the same dog whistle rhetoric that drew group members in and recruiting audience members who seem especially receptive to 'The Truth'-->

-->and/or violently attacking the High Demand Group's chosen scapegoat - the Group That's Responsible For Everything Horrible In The World, according to their simplistic alternate reality.

internally, members alternatively shame and love-bomb one another.

eventually, some group members will, for whatever reason, realize that the alternate reality the group lives in is unrealistic, the community dynamics are toxic, and that their proselytizing / violent attacks on others are abusive.

This may lead to attempts to leave the group.

There are a number of factors discouraging current members of high demand groups from escaping said groups:

1) High Demand Groups regularly badmouth ex-members to discourage current members from reading/giving credence to the testimony of ex-members.
-->

2) in order to escape, a member must not only reject the group worldview: they must face the painful reality that any abusive things they said/did to outsiders in the name of 'justice' or 'retribution' were **wrong & undeserved**.

that's VERY hard, so shame traps plenty of ppl.

3) high demand group members often don't have any friends left outside the high demand group.

If they decide to leave the group, they will be alone.

worse yet, they'll be alone while all their former 'friends' violently harass, abuse, smear, & threaten them for daring to leave.

the high demand group makes the stakes of escape attempts very, VERY high. And despite everything the escaping member has been through, they've also participated in or facilitated plenty of abuse against others, so no: they don't *deserve* any mercy from outsiders.

That said:-->

-->a lot of high demand group would-be escapees wouldn't have the courage to go through with an escape if someone isn't there for them on the other side, cheering them on and providing welcoming arms to leap into.

this doesn't mean 'forgive unconditionally'-->

-->in fact, one of the kindest things anyone providing support to a high demand group escapee is be honest with them about the hurt they & their ex-group have caused.

& in general, the support person/ppl should NOT be members of the demographic that the cult scapegoated.-->

-->obviously, some ppl in those demographics feel comfortable helping ex-members of high demand groups out. But many don't ...

& ex-members of high demand groups should recognize & respect the boundaries of former targets who want nothing to do with them.

returning to specific high demand groups:

like ex-TERFs, ex-antis do not *deserve* the sympathy, empathy, or forgiveness of their former targets.

However, they DO deserve to have security & a healthy emotional support network to help them escape, deprogram, recover, and heal.

and when ex-members of high demand groups (such as TERFs/SWERFs, antis, Quiverfull, probably Q*non, etc) have the room to heal, they are often equipped and EMPOWERED to clearly and effectively dismantle the alternate reality that their former group lives in.

/thread