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Sorry, I can't reply to everybody in person, but I'm sincerely grateful for the good wishes.
A few people have said "I'm going through this - do you have any advice?"
I am in NO WAY qualified to give advice on this. All I can do is tell you what worked for me...
A few people have said "I'm going through this - do you have any advice?"
I am in NO WAY qualified to give advice on this. All I can do is tell you what worked for me...
1.
I realised very quickly I was helpless. I didn't "fight cancer", and in fact that cliché still bugs me. I just lay in a bed while the NHS fought it for me. I was a battlefield, not a combatant. But oddly, feeling helpless allowed me to slip into a relaxed attitude about it.
I realised very quickly I was helpless. I didn't "fight cancer", and in fact that cliché still bugs me. I just lay in a bed while the NHS fought it for me. I was a battlefield, not a combatant. But oddly, feeling helpless allowed me to slip into a relaxed attitude about it.
2.
I suffered far, far less than my loved ones did. Yeah, I had pain, sometimes absolutely torturous, excruciating pain. But we have evolved to forget how physical pain feels. The emotional pain my loved ones felt - that remained. Reassure them, if you can.
I suffered far, far less than my loved ones did. Yeah, I had pain, sometimes absolutely torturous, excruciating pain. But we have evolved to forget how physical pain feels. The emotional pain my loved ones felt - that remained. Reassure them, if you can.
3.
This obviously isn't the same for everyone, but my tumour was vast (17cm and 5kg) and I was certain I'd die in hospital. I didn't, obvs. So I just treated everything after surgery as gravy: some free, bonus life I never expected. It's a good mental state to reach, if you can.
This obviously isn't the same for everyone, but my tumour was vast (17cm and 5kg) and I was certain I'd die in hospital. I didn't, obvs. So I just treated everything after surgery as gravy: some free, bonus life I never expected. It's a good mental state to reach, if you can.
4.
Let yourself cry and panic when you feel like it. Don't be ashamed. Don't hold back. Talk to friends, let it all out. I'm terribly British, and baulk at most emotions, but I really learned the point of them when I was going through the worst bits of cancer. Vent them.
Let yourself cry and panic when you feel like it. Don't be ashamed. Don't hold back. Talk to friends, let it all out. I'm terribly British, and baulk at most emotions, but I really learned the point of them when I was going through the worst bits of cancer. Vent them.
5.
Becoming very self-centred is normal. If your loved ones are going through this, and you think they've turned into a bit of a dick... forgive them. It happened to me for a while (probably still is). The "real them" will come back, you just have to give it time.
Becoming very self-centred is normal. If your loved ones are going through this, and you think they've turned into a bit of a dick... forgive them. It happened to me for a while (probably still is). The "real them" will come back, you just have to give it time.
6.
Try not to feel unlucky. No matter what your situation is, you have, by historical standards, miraculous levels of treatment, pain control and care available. Cancer is a shitter, but cancer at any time in the previous 250,000 years was worse. You're doing OK.
Try not to feel unlucky. No matter what your situation is, you have, by historical standards, miraculous levels of treatment, pain control and care available. Cancer is a shitter, but cancer at any time in the previous 250,000 years was worse. You're doing OK.
7.
The world is a lovely place. If you don't believe me, read about what it's like on Venus. Enjoy it while you can. And this isn't just confined to people with cancer: we're here for an amazingly brief time, and there is so much to learn and love. Enjoy it.
The world is a lovely place. If you don't believe me, read about what it's like on Venus. Enjoy it while you can. And this isn't just confined to people with cancer: we're here for an amazingly brief time, and there is so much to learn and love. Enjoy it.
8.
Read. Find books that are completely immersive - it'll be different, according to taste, but I fell into Tolkien and Patrick O'Brian, both of whom create utterly convincing alternative worlds. It's a place to go, and turn off the nagging noise in your head. TV won't work.
Read. Find books that are completely immersive - it'll be different, according to taste, but I fell into Tolkien and Patrick O'Brian, both of whom create utterly convincing alternative worlds. It's a place to go, and turn off the nagging noise in your head. TV won't work.
9.
Sometimes it's easier to talk to a complete stranger - I remember unburdening my entire life to an incredibly sympathetic Malaysian nurse who held my hand for hours one awful night. She was a miracle, I think. I'll never forget her. She did as much for me as any surgeon.
Sometimes it's easier to talk to a complete stranger - I remember unburdening my entire life to an incredibly sympathetic Malaysian nurse who held my hand for hours one awful night. She was a miracle, I think. I'll never forget her. She did as much for me as any surgeon.
10.
Hope. It's never bad to hope. If you can't hope for yourself any more, hope for your loved ones. It's faith, without religion - a belief that the world continues after you're gone. Cos it does, and it'll be fine.
Good luck to anyone living with this.
Hope. It's never bad to hope. If you can't hope for yourself any more, hope for your loved ones. It's faith, without religion - a belief that the world continues after you're gone. Cos it does, and it'll be fine.
Good luck to anyone living with this.
