Read on Twitter
CW: discussion of general trans issues, transphobia, that kind of stuff etc.
Last year, I had gotten really into researching stuff about the "rejected parents" community which is really small but tight knit community of parents who all claim their children up and suddenly
Last year, I had gotten really into researching stuff about the "rejected parents" community which is really small but tight knit community of parents who all claim their children up and suddenly
abandoned them. There was a really interesting analysis of the forum to really take an in depth look. It can be a bit of a read, but I think it's worth it.
http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/index.html
http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/index.html
Now this forum in particular didn't really have much discussion pertaining to trans issues, but what really clicked in my head is the same mindset portrayed here is the same mindset that parents who reject their kids often have. Remember the study
on "rapid onset gender dysphoria" and how all these parents were mysteriously confused that the moment their kid could book it, they started transitioning? Like "rejected parents", there's this similar and sudden "shock" in a lot of stories.
And like with "rejected parents" there always seems to be this huge disconnect between boundaries and respect. It'd be crass to say, "Some parents treat children like property" but some parents treat children like property rather than growing developing beings.
And to the parent, their desire is offspring that'll someday carry on their lineage, which is why the focus is so often on "girls" (trans masc/nbs) ''''damaging'''' their bodies. Everything is turned up to the 11th
The other one, is the fundamental disconnect in understanding their actions and wording affect their child. This should ring similar to many trans people who've had rejecting parents (this was from some transphobe protest i'm not linking them)
Boundaries seemed to be the ultimate failure here. I mean, yes, transphobia as well, but I notice that they truly don't get with each misgendering and deadnaming and passive aggressive "you're my beautiful girl :)" they push their kid further and further away
And so, surprise, as soon as it's possible, the kid leaves, cuts contact and "rapidly" begins to transition (aka live as themselves without being controlled). Another commonality is often the need for a scapegoat as to why their child is like this.
On typical rejected parents forums, the discussion is often over the mysterious "why" their child left (*cough* abuse *cough*). For places like "Parents of ROGD Kids", it's often seeking out the mysterious "why" to their child being transgender.
Of course, instead of asking what their child thinks, scapegoats could be a partner, a trans friend, the evil colleges turning kids into libs, main stream media, whatever. Remember, they don't believe their kid is trans so they must have been tricked or duped.
And everything the estranged adult child deals with will be blamed on this, and any discussion of personal difficulty will revolve around, "Well, if you weren't trans..." and every conversation with the parent is more deadname, misgendering, and discussions of when
you're going to go back to being whatever gender was assigned to you because I neeeed to mold you into a perfect little me. And after awhile, when the conversation is focused on how much of being trans is such a burden on your parents, you stop bothering to call
Perhaps, these parents feel the "transgenderism" has taken over because they can't even begin to comprehend the damage they're doing. So because our conversations have been going in a circle around this topic and you won't budge on it, that MUST be it
And then, the parents will type up a memoir about it, how terrible the experience was for them, all while oversharing personal details about their child and deadnaming and misgendering them in the process
Also I am not going to embarrass myself reading this in the morning so hopefully people aren't like "what the fuck are you talking about" or "what the fuck did you just fucking say you little punk"
