CW // misogyny, transphobia

ugggh I got tagged in to a chat with a bunch of friends of my mother who decided to start sending each other memes about how Republicans do not have testicles

One is a picture of Barbie kneeling in front of Ken and saying "Gee, Ken, I didn't realize you were a congressional Republican," and then someone replied with "According to Stormy Daniels, Trump doesn't have any either"

We all get why this is shitty humor, yes? Like most of the bravest people in Congress don't have testicles, and the association of balls=strong and pussy=weak is misogynist af

My sister wisely noped out of the chat as soon as she was added, before any of this stuff even came up, but I assumed the humor would be more bland and unfunny than misogynist and unfunny

So I attempted to voice my objections politely, saying "I know you didn't mean it that way, but even though it's directed at Republicans, this sort of humor actually hurts women, trans men, and other people who might not have testicles."

And of course the response was first to explain to me that the testicles here were metaphorical, and then to tell me to loosen up.

"Loosen up" is possibly my least favorite response when you point out that something intended as a joke is harmful, because what it actually means is "be silent in the face of harm."

If it's said in response to you protesting a joke about you, it means "don't stand up for yourself," and if it's said in response to you protesting a joke about other people, it means "don't stand up for other people."

Humor *can* challenge the status quo or it can reinforce it, but either way, the primary thing it does is tell us what the status quo *is.*

The alt-right got this pretty much from its inception. https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/may/23/alt-right-online-humor-as-a-weapon-facism

Humor is a powerful tool for normalizing attitudes, because it invites people to accept what was said and provides cover from accountability for both the joker and the audience. It was just a joke, after all.

One of the oldest (and, I believe, still current) theories of why laughter evolved is known as the Relief Theory. The idea is that primates laugh when something that could be dangerous happens but nothing bad happens to reassure themselves and others that it's okay.

This is the humor behind pratfalls: someone falls and could get hurt, but they don't get hurt, therefore it's funny rather than scary or tragic.

But think about why humor is so powerful in normalizing attitudes, and so dangerous when jokes reinforce racist/sexist/etc. attitudes.

We laugh to tell ourselves and others *that what just happened is okay.*

And that's why "loosen up" is such a profoundly toxic response when someone objects to humor on the grounds that it's harmful.

"Loosen up" in response to you protesting a joke about you basically says "tell me it's okay for me to hurt you." In response to a joke about others, it means "tell me it's okay for me to hurt them."

And it's not, and it shouldn't be.