Who's ready for some #PresidentsDayFunFacts? You're not? You'd prefer I not do this? Well, tough toogies, baby.

George Washington was known for his wooden teeth, which he would use to tear out the throats of anyone who suggested he chopped down cherry trees. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

John Adams' presidency was undermined by the XYZ Affair in which the president failed to examine his zipper before an address to Congress. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Thomas Jefferson is well known for writing the Declaration of Independence, designing the University of Virginia, and composing the piano exit to Layla. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

James Madison's pet name for his Dolly was Twinkie, a bitter irony exploited by Hostess during the Snack Food Wars of the 1970s. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

James Monroe used to end orders at restaurants by saying, "... and that's the *real* Monroe doctrine," until friends and well-wishers begged him to stop. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

John Quincy Adams was merely John Adams in a series of clever disguises. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Andrew Jackson was a demanding president, murdering several of his cabinet secretaries for various policy agreements and "just looking at me funny." #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Martin Van Buren was known as The Little Magician, thanks to his affinity for close magic, which likely cost him a second term in office. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

William Henry Harrison was attacked by an overcoat as a small-child, leading to a life-long fear of heavy winter wear. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

John Tyler is the great uncle to singer Bonnie Tyler, and "Total Eclipse of the Heart" contains many references to his ascension to the presidency. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

The Mexican-American War started because of a drunken bar bet by James K. Polk. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Zachary Taylor bet Secretary of War George Crawford that he could hold his breath for 10 minutes while trapped in a wooden box. To Crawford's horror, he won the bet. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Millard Fillmore was not a conservative duck-human hybrid as the relevant comic strip Mallard Fillmore would have you believe. He was a centaur. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Oh yes, we're still doing this. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

After his vice president William R. King died a year into his term, Franklin Pierce appointed a sock puppet named Snuffy as his new vice-president. Snuffy is widely blamed for urging Pierce to support the Kansas-Nebraska Act. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

James Buchanan, our only bachelor president, tried unsuccessfully to rename the Oval Office as The Presidential ManCave. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

As the childhood rhyme reminds us, Abraham Lincoln liked to finish off a good meal with a swig of turpentine. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Andrew Johnson won acquittal at his Senate trial with the help of Mitch McConnell and his famous "Eh, who are we to say?" defense. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Ulysses S. Grant spent one full year of his presidency spurning pants. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

The "B" in Rutherford B. Hayes' name stood for "Butterfingers," both for the president's favorite candy bar and his notorious clumsiness. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

James Garfield's hatred of Mondays and love of lasagna inspired Jim Davis to create the beloved daily comic strip U.S. Acres. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Chester A. Arthur didn't show up for work from October 3, 1883 to March 17, 1884. Nobody noticed. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

When Grover Cleveland left office on March 4 1889, he was heard to remark, "Has anyone seen my wallet? Geez, I know I left it here somewhere." #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Tragically, like his grandfather William Henry Harrison, Benjamin Harrison died after 30 days in office, but was replaced by a series of look-a-likes and actors. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

When Grover Cleveland returned to office on March 4, 1893, he was heard to remark, "Hey, my wallet! I was looking for that!" #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Geez, there are a lot of these guys, you know? I think I need a drink of Gatorade #PresidentsDayFunFacts

William H. McKinley would often enter rooms announcing "Who wants to mount McKinley?" until aides convinced him to stop. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

(Some jokes are worth repeating.)

To stay sharp, Theodore Roosevelt ordered his staff to periodically release wild animals in the White House that he could hunt and trap. Secretary of State Elihu Root resigned after getting mauled by a bear. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

William Howard Taft spent his post-presidency on the U.S. Supreme Court as well as briefly holding the WWE's Intercontinental Championship belt from 1918-1919. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Point 11 of Woodrow Wilson's 14 Points of Peace was "Ass or grass, nobody rides for free." #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Warren G. Harding entered politics after a bitter fallout with his musical partner Nate Dogg. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

The famously reticent Calvin Coolidge earned his nickname "Silent Cal" from his previous career as a notorious cat burglar. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

The Hoover Dam was named after Herbert Hoover for his legendarily vulgar vocabulary. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Franklin Delano Roosevelt popularized "Happy Days Are Here Again" as the theme song for the Democratic Party, replacing the earlier selection "It Will All End in Tears." #PresidentsDayFunFacts

The Truman Show (1998) glosses over Harry Truman's role in the 1952 steel strike. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Dwight David Eisenhower adopted "I Like Ike" as his campaign slogan after a previous effort "I'll Never Glower at Eisenhower" failed to catch on. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

During John F. Kennedy's administration, different rooms at the White House were renamed after the starlets he bedded in each one. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Lyndon Baines Johnson was known to challenge aides to fistfights, and if they beat him, they got to be president for a day. That was how the Gulf of Tonkin resolution was signed. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

The 18-minute gap in the Watergate tapes included Richard Nixon's unfinished rock opera about his dog, Checkers. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Gerald Ford became president by defeating Democratic candidate Bob Chrysler and independent candidate General Ralph Motors. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

The secret ingredient in Billy Beer is Jimmy Carter's tears. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Ronald Reagan would occasionally insist upon switching places with Treasury Secretary Donald Regan to prank gullible aides. Most people politely played along. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

George H.W. Bush's farewell address to the nation ended with the crowd-pleasing line, "If you're unhappy now, just wait until you get a load of my idiot son." #PresidentsDayFunFacts

Bill Clinton had the White House's indoor swimming pool filled with McDonald's cheeseburgers when he took office on Jan. 20, 1993, and again five weeks later. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

George W. Bush spent the first few years of his presidency calling up countries in alphabetical order and asking "So, got any chemical weapons?" but got bored after he got to the "I"s. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

In an elaborate ruse, Democrats invented a state called Hawaii to trick people into thinking Barack Obama was born in the U.S. #PresidentsDayFunFacts

"Fun" and "Fact" are two words never associated with Donald Trump. #PresidentsDayFunFacts