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1/
My favorite love story
Grady wards, pre-COVID
There was this Grady elder who'd been admitted to my team. His issue was quickly sorted out and the very next morning he was ready for discharge.
Nothing about his problems were complicated. At all.
Nope.
My favorite love story
Grady wards, pre-COVID
There was this Grady elder who'd been admitted to my team. His issue was quickly sorted out and the very next morning he was ready for discharge.
Nothing about his problems were complicated. At all.
Nope.
2/
We didn't see him as a team on rounds that day. Things were so straightforward that I'd agreed to see him on my own. He didn't have many questions when I got to the end of the encounter. And so. I reached for his hand and wished him well.
And that was that.
We didn't see him as a team on rounds that day. Things were so straightforward that I'd agreed to see him on my own. He didn't have many questions when I got to the end of the encounter. And so. I reached for his hand and wished him well.
And that was that.
3/
I realized that I hadn't gotten to know him beyond his medical concerns. So decided to right that wrong.
Yup.
This gentleman was pretty reserved. He'd already packed up his belongings and had his cell phone in his hand. And didn't seem up for smalltalk.
I tried anyway.
I realized that I hadn't gotten to know him beyond his medical concerns. So decided to right that wrong.
Yup.
This gentleman was pretty reserved. He'd already packed up his belongings and had his cell phone in his hand. And didn't seem up for smalltalk.
I tried anyway.
4/
Me: "Is someone in your family still coming to pick you up? If not, we can arrange a ride for you."
Him: "My sister will be coming to get me. I'm okay."
Me: *nodding*
*awkward silence*
Me: "Do you have children, sir?"
He glanced up at me and paused.
Me: "Is someone in your family still coming to pick you up? If not, we can arrange a ride for you."
Him: "My sister will be coming to get me. I'm okay."
Me: *nodding*
*awkward silence*
Me: "Do you have children, sir?"
He glanced up at me and paused.
5/
At Grady that question feels rhetorical--especially when talking to the elders. It's a talk point that leads to grandchildren. And smiles.
Him: "No, ma'am. We never had children."
We. Hmm.
Me: "Are. . . were you. . . married?"
Uggh. I immediately wanted to take that back.
At Grady that question feels rhetorical--especially when talking to the elders. It's a talk point that leads to grandchildren. And smiles.
Him: "No, ma'am. We never had children."
We. Hmm.
Me: "Are. . . were you. . . married?"
Uggh. I immediately wanted to take that back.
6/
He didn't seem offended. I was relieved.
Me: "I'm sorry. That was kind of a dumb question."
Him: "It's okay."
*pause*
Him: "Married? No. But if we could have been, we would have been."
He stared out of the window and his eyes began to glisten with a hint of tears.
He didn't seem offended. I was relieved.
Me: "I'm sorry. That was kind of a dumb question."
Him: "It's okay."
*pause*
Him: "Married? No. But if we could have been, we would have been."
He stared out of the window and his eyes began to glisten with a hint of tears.
7/
Me: "Wow. Sounds like a special love."
Forward enough. Maybe even too forward, but I didn't want it to be mistaken as anything other than the statement it was.
He froze and appeared lost in thought.
I leaned back into the bedside chair and waited for him to speak.
Me: "Wow. Sounds like a special love."
Forward enough. Maybe even too forward, but I didn't want it to be mistaken as anything other than the statement it was.
He froze and appeared lost in thought.
I leaned back into the bedside chair and waited for him to speak.
8/
This soft-spoken man who'd uttered very few words since his hospitalization touched his fingers to his lips and then pressed them together to hold in the first thing even close to a smile that I'd seen since walking in.
Him: "My love. That is a good description."
This soft-spoken man who'd uttered very few words since his hospitalization touched his fingers to his lips and then pressed them together to hold in the first thing even close to a smile that I'd seen since walking in.
Him: "My love. That is a good description."
9/
Me: "Do you mind telling me more?"
He sighed and shook his head. Then he began to speak.
Him: "His name was Morris. He was funny and loud and . . . a really, really good dancer. And he wasn't afraid of nobody, neither."
Me: *smiling* "Wow. How long were you two together?"
Me: "Do you mind telling me more?"
He sighed and shook his head. Then he began to speak.
Him: "His name was Morris. He was funny and loud and . . . a really, really good dancer. And he wasn't afraid of nobody, neither."
Me: *smiling* "Wow. How long were you two together?"
10/
Him: "More than 20 years off and on. He went to the military for a little while and I lived out west for a couple of years. But we found our way back each other."
*silence*
Him: "And we had so much fun together. I took care of him until he took his last breath."
Wow.
Him: "More than 20 years off and on. He went to the military for a little while and I lived out west for a couple of years. But we found our way back each other."
*silence*
Him: "And we had so much fun together. I took care of him until he took his last breath."
Wow.
11/
Him: "I held his hand and stroked his cheeks and just kept on saying 'I love you, I love you, I love you' until his last moment."
He started blinking fast to hold back the tears that were quickly forming. Finally, he closed his eyes and surrendered to the emotion.
Him: "I held his hand and stroked his cheeks and just kept on saying 'I love you, I love you, I love you' until his last moment."
He started blinking fast to hold back the tears that were quickly forming. Finally, he closed his eyes and surrendered to the emotion.
12/
Him: *weeping* "He was so, so brave. He was the love of my whole life."
Whew.
Me: "I love that you just kept saying 'I love you' until the moment he died. That's probably one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard."
I handed him a box of tissue from the tray table.
Him: *weeping* "He was so, so brave. He was the love of my whole life."
Whew.
Me: "I love that you just kept saying 'I love you' until the moment he died. That's probably one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard."
I handed him a box of tissue from the tray table.
13/
Him: "It was so hard being gay back then. There weren't people clapping at parades for us, either. Especially being Black and in Atlanta. But Morris always said that life was short and that we needed to live. He said we deserved love. I believe he was right."
Me: *listening*
Him: "It was so hard being gay back then. There weren't people clapping at parades for us, either. Especially being Black and in Atlanta. But Morris always said that life was short and that we needed to live. He said we deserved love. I believe he was right."
Me: *listening*
14/
Him: "One funny thing he always said was, 'You don't talk about or imagine your mama and her sex life do you? Then why the hell you got your drawers all in a bundle 'bout mine?'"
He let out a moist chuckle and then quickly looked wistful.
Him: "He made me brave, too."
Him: "One funny thing he always said was, 'You don't talk about or imagine your mama and her sex life do you? Then why the hell you got your drawers all in a bundle 'bout mine?'"
He let out a moist chuckle and then quickly looked wistful.
Him: "He made me brave, too."
15/
Me: "Wow. What happened to Morris?"
Him: "He died of AIDS. Back before they had all the stuff they have now. But his family was scared of HIV and not approving of him. They weren't nice. That's why I wanted the last words he heard to be 'I love you.'"
Wow.
Me: "Wow. What happened to Morris?"
Him: "He died of AIDS. Back before they had all the stuff they have now. But his family was scared of HIV and not approving of him. They weren't nice. That's why I wanted the last words he heard to be 'I love you.'"
Wow.
16/
Him: "I must have chanted those three words for more than six hours straight. I'm not kidding you. He was in and out of consciousness but I just kept on. Sip some water and then say it again. And again and again and again."
*pause*
Him: "I love you, I love you, I love you."
Him: "I must have chanted those three words for more than six hours straight. I'm not kidding you. He was in and out of consciousness but I just kept on. Sip some water and then say it again. And again and again and again."
*pause*
Him: "I love you, I love you, I love you."
17/
Me: "Wow. I can think of no more beautiful way to make a transition."
Him: *staring away* "You know what kept me going? Me picturing him hearing my voice and then God taking over with the same words."
He looked over at me and smiled with trembling lips.
Me: "Wow. I can think of no more beautiful way to make a transition."
Him: *staring away* "You know what kept me going? Me picturing him hearing my voice and then God taking over with the same words."
He looked over at me and smiled with trembling lips.
18/
Me: *whispering* "I can see it."
And with that my voice cracked and I started full on crying. I sure did. And he handed me that back tissue box and I took three pieces.
And we both wept.
Him: *patting his cheeks and chuckling* "Look at us."
Me: *shaking head* "I know."
Me: *whispering* "I can see it."
And with that my voice cracked and I started full on crying. I sure did. And he handed me that back tissue box and I took three pieces.
And we both wept.
Him: *patting his cheeks and chuckling* "Look at us."
Me: *shaking head* "I know."
19/
And then we just sat there in silence. Imagining Morris escaping the pain of stigma and ignorance and no longer having to be brave. Dancing and just feeling free and loved. Led by the sound of those three soul-fulfilling words.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
And then we just sat there in silence. Imagining Morris escaping the pain of stigma and ignorance and no longer having to be brave. Dancing and just feeling free and loved. Led by the sound of those three soul-fulfilling words.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
20/
It was perfect, that moment. Perfect in how unexpectedly beautiful and pivotal it was. Every time I imagine him standing vigil over his special love Morris saying, "I love you, I love you, I love you," it makes me cry.
Because if that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was perfect, that moment. Perfect in how unexpectedly beautiful and pivotal it was. Every time I imagine him standing vigil over his special love Morris saying, "I love you, I love you, I love you," it makes me cry.
Because if that isn't love, I don't know what is.
21/
I asked his permission to tell this story. To honor them and what was and always will be one of the most beautiful love stories I've ever heard.
To which he said, "Please do."
"I love you, I love you, I love you."
May we all know a love so special.
Yeah.
#VDay
I asked his permission to tell this story. To honor them and what was and always will be one of the most beautiful love stories I've ever heard.
To which he said, "Please do."
"I love you, I love you, I love you."
May we all know a love so special.
Yeah.
#VDay
