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I don’t know if this will help any other survivors, but I want to share something that helped me to pull lies out like weeds and then root down truth.
I was abused in my mid-twenties by a man who was studying NeuroLingistic Programming with an NLP teacher.
I was abused in my mid-twenties by a man who was studying NeuroLingistic Programming with an NLP teacher.
Part of his bait was to help me with my human performance. Having just started my first “good” job, I said yes. But what he really did was use NLP, along with operant conditioning and manipulating my attachment system, to anchor me with a lot of lies to control me.
And, it worked. It is terrifying how well it worked. This is why I have Complex PTSD. It was like being trapped in a real life nightmare.
But the thing about it working is, the reverse worked too.
Just like abuse takes what is meant for goodness and twists it to harm;
But the thing about it working is, the reverse worked too.
Just like abuse takes what is meant for goodness and twists it to harm;
I decided to untwist it back to goodness.
For example, I was anchored with the words “rejected” and “trash.” Given the right context, those words triggered a trauma response that controlled and terrified me.
When I discovered this I decided to undo the damage.
For example, I was anchored with the words “rejected” and “trash.” Given the right context, those words triggered a trauma response that controlled and terrified me.
When I discovered this I decided to undo the damage.
I wrote affirmations to reverse it. “I am treasure.” “I am accepted.” I wrote them in cursive. I wrote them on windows and mirrors. I placed other similar messages where I could see them. I changed my social media bios to “Made in Gods Image.” I repeated truth in my mind.
And it worked. I did it with every other lie I could remember that had been pounded into my head by him and his associates. I also started treated myself better - like treasure. Intentional about drinking my water, exercise, nutrition, sleep.
I treated myself like I was accepted. I learned to embrace my story - and it is a horrific one - and my trauma responses. I let go of people who did not accept me and embraced the ones who did. Not gonna lie, letting go of people i cared about was HARD and not my nature.
I also did individual and group coaching in addition to therapy. A big part of the coaching has been learning to rewire our minds after abuse. I am still in group coaching and I probably will be for life. When I was well enough I sought out a mentor.
I don’t know if this will help others, and I don’t want to add any “you should do this” guilt to another survivor. But it definitely “worked” to harm me, and although mine was very intentionally applied harm, this is what happens in all abuse. We get anchored with lies.
And it definitely worked in targeting and destroying the lies and replacing them with something true and beneficial.
If you are a trauma survivor like me, we have to find and grow our own agency to heal. Our agency was stolen in the abuse, and we take it back in the healing.
If you are a trauma survivor like me, we have to find and grow our own agency to heal. Our agency was stolen in the abuse, and we take it back in the healing.
So this is my Valentine to all abuse survivors. I love you, I believe you, and I believe in you.
You are treasure, and you are accepted
right where you are today.
You are treasure, and you are accepted
right where you are today.
