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Let's talk about pregnancy- specifically the first trimester of pregnancy. I want to blow the lid off the 1st trimester pregnancy taboo in this society and the unwritten rule that you must suffer through the 1st trimester alone and in secret. 
THREAD
1/22
THREAD
1/22
This is for people who have never been pregnant or close with a pregnant person in their 1st trimester, or for people thinking about pregnancy.
Disclaimer: I don't speak on behalf of all pregnancies, this are my experiences and conversations I have had.
CW: miscarriage 2/22
Disclaimer: I don't speak on behalf of all pregnancies, this are my experiences and conversations I have had.
CW: miscarriage 2/22
OKAY FIRST OFF A LOT OF PEOPLE GET PREGNANT. This is like one of the most common life altering things that humans go through and yet, we rarely go through it together with support and understanding. WHY? Because society makes it taboo to talk about. So here it goes: 3/22
Most pregnant people will not widely share their news of pregnancy during the first trimester. But 1st tri is the HARDEST part of pregnancy (mentally and physically) that it really does often affect other parts of our lives. 4/22
The physical difficulties are rarely known until you've gone through it yourself: constant nausea, extreme exhaustion, inability to eat, vomiting, painful body parts (breasts, uterus, ovaries). Imagine having food poisoning for 6 weeks straight with no breaks. 5/22
How bad is it really though? In my pregnancy, I couldn't brush my teeth, ride the bus, or be up before 8 am without vomiting or extreme dizziness. Being in a room a bit too hot or standing to speak nearly made me pass out. I was asleep by 6 pm almost every day. 6/22
Other pregnant people may experience other extremes (eg, Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG)) or possibly less intensely, but one thing everyone can agree on: it is not *easy* to go through the first trimester. 7/22
The physical toll on the body can make it difficult to focus (exhaustion + common coffee/caffeine aversions), be in certain settings (smells or other nausea/vomit triggers), and be physically present in certain situations (timing/triggers/etc). 8/22
(cw: miscarriage) On top of the physical exhaustion, there is mental exhaustion, because there is almost constant worry that you could miscarry at any point in time with little warning. 1 in 8 pregnancies will end in a miscarriage. Rarely do other people know about it. 9/22
Now here's the kicker: nearly every 1st tri symptom is either a sign the pregnancy is ok OR a sign that there's an impending miscarriage. AND YOU DON'T KNOW UNLESS YOU HAVE EXTRA ULTRASOUNDS/TESTS. So you live for 8 weeks in a state of worry with every symptom. 10/22
Bleeding, spotting, cramping, and *lack* of other symptoms can mean a miscarriage is on the way. At the same time, cramping is normal, a lot of healthy pregnancies experience inexplicable bleeding/spotting, and sometimes you just get lucky with resolved symptoms. 11/22
SO YOU LIVE FOR 8 WEEKS IN A STATE OF ANXIETY OF THE UNKNOWN, AND PHYSICAL PAIN without hardly anyone knowing. That makes it pretty dang hard to be productive and present during that time. Plus you may have to take extra time off for extra tests/ultrasounds. 12/22
And this brings me to an important point: in the US, OB/Gyn Drs/clinics are largely NOT equipped to support people through this first trimester. There is a common issue of the OB/Gyn world dismissing pregnant ppl's concerns and not offering testing/options to support them. 13/22
If you talk with people, you'll learn that they have likely experienced dismissal of concerns and in some cases ended up with a miscarriage. While you can't do much to save an impending miscarriage, it can be a less traumatic experience. 14/22
In a lot of cases, you don't have your 1st appt until 8 wks (you generally first get a positive home pregnancy test in wk 4-5). In those few weeks, serious stuff can go wrong (miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, etc) and you have to have a doctor that is open to your concerns. 15/22
Now you might be asking, "If this is such a stressful period of time, why don't people talk about it?" My suspicion is a few reasons: the inappropriate stigma of miscarriage (combined with the high risk in 1st tri), inappropriate questions from others, and discrimination. 16/22
There is a ton of stigma that if someone has a miscarriage, it is somehow their fault (spoiler: IT'S NOT). But it can be a very mentally taxing loss and it requires a period of grieving. Some people prefer to do that privately to avoid having to have conversations about it. 17/22
If we could destigmatize miscarriage, then we wouldn't need to worry about grieving privately. We could treat it like any other loss (eg a friend or family member). We don't keep those losses secret, why should we keep miscarriage losses secret? 18/22
It would help pregnant people a lot if we could share pregnancy as a normal thing (BECAUSE IT IS) so that more people could be understanding of the difficulty of the first trimester. But alas, there is still another reason people "chose" secrecy: discrimination. 19/22
As soon as you share that you are pregnant, almost everyone views you differently. In some cases it's positively. But in some workplaces, this can lead to very real workplace discrimination (whether or not it's intentional). 20/22
Tl;dr: First trimester of pregnancy is SO EFFING HARD and people inappropriately have to suffer in secret because of society's stigma around miscarriage + possible discrimination. Normalize talking about pregnancy and miscarriage. 21/22
If you've ever been pregnant, share your thoughts/experiences with the first trimester and so we can normalize this. 22/22
