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In case you’ve had enough of the lovey-dovey side of #ValentinesDay, here’s a thread about the less conventional mating strategies of some of our wildlife! Basically... WEIRD ANIMAL LOVE LIVES.
Starting with the humble dunnock… have you ever heard of cloacal pecking?! 1/10
Starting with the humble dunnock… have you ever heard of cloacal pecking?! 1/10
Dunnocks are the masters of love triangles (or squares, or pentagons)! Polygamy is the norm in dunnock society. Often one female will ‘pair’ with two males. If the second male is suspicious, he’ll peck her behind (cloaca) & cause her to eject his rival's sperm. Ew. 2/10
During mating season, male toads grow special lumps on their hands called ‘nuptial pads’. His pads allow him to get a good grip of the female. She’ll often end up piggybacking him with her to their breeding ponds – which can be a couple of miles! Let’s hope his grip is good…3/10
Damselfly gymnastics! When mating, damselflies contort themselves into a heart shape (on theme). A male uses ‘anal claspers’ (oo-er) to hold a female around the back of her neck, & she’ll twist to meet his reproductive parts. In some species, this , or ‘wheel’ lasts HOURS. 4/10
, or ‘wheel’ lasts HOURS. 4/10
Snails bring WEAPONS to the bedroom. Frisky snails can explosively eject a hard, calcified ‘love dart’ into their partner. They have both male & female reproductive organs so can impregnate each other. The darts come in all forms (like harpoons?!) & help with fertilisation! 5/10
Fruit flies hear ‘bigger is better’ & then seem to defy reality. For a fly measuring three or four millimetres, the males have sperm that is SIX centimetres long. It seems that rather than having lots of little sperm, female selection of males has favoured fewer, & larger 
6/10
6/10
The crown title of the LOUDEST penis belongs to a humble water boatman called Micronecta scholtzi 
To attract ladies, males rub their penis against their abdomen (a bit like crickets), creating a chirping noise that reaches 99.2 decibels! Weirdest. @GWR. Ever. 7/10
To attract ladies, males rub their penis against their abdomen (a bit like crickets), creating a chirping noise that reaches 99.2 decibels! Weirdest. @GWR. Ever. 7/10
Where do blue penises, slime and acrobatics combine? Slug sex. Leopard slugs, specifically. It involves being suspended upside down by their own mucus. In their dangling position, each will fertilise the other (like snails) with a blue penis as long as their bodies. Wow. 8/10
Foxes practice a position called the good ol’ “copulatory lock”. A male will mount a female & hoist a hind leg over her back, twisting around until the pair are rump-to-rump. They’ll lock like this for up to 30mins. The female will often make human-like high-pitched shrieks! 9/10
Spiders 'pedipalps' on their heads - kinda like an extra pair of legs. Females use them to sense & poke. Males use theirs as sperm ticklers. 
What?! He’ll deposit sperm into a special web & soak it up with his pedipalps, before tickling the female’s reproductive openings! 10/10
What?! He’ll deposit sperm into a special web & soak it up with his pedipalps, before tickling the female’s reproductive openings! 10/10
