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What Glenda taught me about love.
We first met when I was 14. Glenda was in her 30s then.
At my age Glenda had fallen off her bike and hit her head on the kerb.
Crashing headaches followed, with extreme rages. They said a short stay in hospital would cure her.
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What Glenda taught me about love.
We first met when I was 14. Glenda was in her 30s then.
At my age Glenda had fallen off her bike and hit her head on the kerb.
Crashing headaches followed, with extreme rages. They said a short stay in hospital would cure her.
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The hospital Glenda was sent to wasnât a general one. It was a psychiatric hospital.
She was on a ward full of girls and women. Heavily sedated much of the time.
Glenda used to say it wasnât all bad. Some of the staff showed her kindnesses.
But she kept on running away.
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She was on a ward full of girls and women. Heavily sedated much of the time.
Glenda used to say it wasnât all bad. Some of the staff showed her kindnesses.
But she kept on running away.
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Glenda used to run home to her family. She crept into the outhouse in the early hours, whispering to the dog: âdonât make a noise, itâs only me, Glendaâ.
Then she curled up and slept for a while before being found and taken back to hospital.
There seemed to be no end to it.
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Then she curled up and slept for a while before being found and taken back to hospital.
There seemed to be no end to it.
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Glenda was always looking for the next opportunity to escape. It saved her spirit.
But the payback was harsh. She was held down and injected. Sent much further away from home.
Her mum wrote to her: âBe a good girl, do what they say, it will be easier for you that way.â
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But the payback was harsh. She was held down and injected. Sent much further away from home.
Her mum wrote to her: âBe a good girl, do what they say, it will be easier for you that way.â
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Glenda showed me a photo of her 21st birthday. She was sitting looking at the camera with a uniformed nurse beside her.
Glenda had no recollection of it at all. Her memories were patchy because she was so heavily sedated.
Glenda grew from girl to woman in hospital.
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Glenda had no recollection of it at all. Her memories were patchy because she was so heavily sedated.
Glenda grew from girl to woman in hospital.
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Mixing between patients on the male and female wards was allowed in a limited way on social occasions.
Glenda met a man she fell in love with. They asked for permission to get married.
This was granted, so Glenda and Cecil got engaged, but they had to keep living apart.
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Glenda met a man she fell in love with. They asked for permission to get married.
This was granted, so Glenda and Cecil got engaged, but they had to keep living apart.
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While they were engaged Cecil died, suddenly and unexpectedly.
Itâs hard to imagine the impact this had on Glenda.
On the day of the funeral they got Glenda there too late, so she missed it.
Back at the hospital they put her in seclusion.
Glenda set fire to the cell.
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Itâs hard to imagine the impact this had on Glenda.
On the day of the funeral they got Glenda there too late, so she missed it.
Back at the hospital they put her in seclusion.
Glenda set fire to the cell.
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At this point Glenda started to be treated as a potentially dangerous person.
The prospect of ever being released from hospital was slipping further away.
And yet Glenda still managed to outwit the staff and escape.
With great resourcefulness she would find her way home.
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The prospect of ever being released from hospital was slipping further away.
And yet Glenda still managed to outwit the staff and escape.
With great resourcefulness she would find her way home.
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Sometimes it pays to be a nuisance.
The cost of police escorts to keep taking Glenda back to hospital was significant.
She ended up being transferred to a hospital closer to home.
And Glendaâs arrival there coincided with a wave of discharging patients into the community.
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The cost of police escorts to keep taking Glenda back to hospital was significant.
She ended up being transferred to a hospital closer to home.
And Glendaâs arrival there coincided with a wave of discharging patients into the community.
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Glenda wasnât seen as an obvious candidate to be discharged to a group home.
But she was persistent and persuasive. There was a willingness to take some risks on the part of staff too.
And thatâs how I came to know Glenda, after my mum volunteered to be her befriender.
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But she was persistent and persuasive. There was a willingness to take some risks on the part of staff too.
And thatâs how I came to know Glenda, after my mum volunteered to be her befriender.
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It wasnât easy adjusting to life outside hospital. Glenda had been there since she was 14. Trusting people was hard.
Her education had ended abruptly and she could barely read or write. Even before her accident Glenda had episodes where she would zone out at school.
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Her education had ended abruptly and she could barely read or write. Even before her accident Glenda had episodes where she would zone out at school.
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The wonderful thing about befriending in those days was the lack of boundaries. Glenda often had supper at our house.
There were still crises. What sheâd gone through in hospital had added to her difficulties rather than resolving them.
Glenda was tenacious though.
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There were still crises. What sheâd gone through in hospital had added to her difficulties rather than resolving them.
Glenda was tenacious though.
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Once Glenda set her mind on something it was no good standing in her way.
When she announced that she wanted to learn to drive some people were sceptical.
She had epilepsy, she couldnât read or write well, why not carry on using public transport.
It would be much safer.
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When she announced that she wanted to learn to drive some people were sceptical.
She had epilepsy, she couldnât read or write well, why not carry on using public transport.
It would be much safer.
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Glenda went to evening classes and learned to read and write.
Glenda got medical clearance that she was fit to drive.
Glenda bought a moped and drove it on a provisional licence.
Glenda passed her full driving test and got herself a car.
It was her pride and joy.
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Glenda got medical clearance that she was fit to drive.
Glenda bought a moped and drove it on a provisional licence.
Glenda passed her full driving test and got herself a car.
It was her pride and joy.
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Glendaâs great passions in life were going to car boot sales and going on holiday.
Her car gave her the freedom to do both of these independently whenever she wanted to.
Glenda was also very generous to people she knew, taking them on trips and doing errands for them.
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Her car gave her the freedom to do both of these independently whenever she wanted to.
Glenda was also very generous to people she knew, taking them on trips and doing errands for them.
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When I had my babies Glenda helped me to bath them.
She had a huge doll collection that my children used to look at open/eyed in amazement.
Some of them were life-like baby dolls she dressed in the morning and put to bed at night.
Glenda would have loved to be a mum.
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She had a huge doll collection that my children used to look at open/eyed in amazement.
Some of them were life-like baby dolls she dressed in the morning and put to bed at night.
Glenda would have loved to be a mum.
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I was at the Open University working on a new multi-media course K201 Care, Welfare and Community.
Glenda and I ended up collaborating on a video diary of her life story, which was filmed by the BBC.
We went back to the house where she grew up, and the school she attended.
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Glenda and I ended up collaborating on a video diary of her life story, which was filmed by the BBC.
We went back to the house where she grew up, and the school she attended.
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Iâll never forget going to the hospital where Glenda was first admitted.
Weâd talked a lot about whether this was a good idea. Glenda decided she wanted to. She thought it might help put things to rest.
As we walked across the grass Glenda suddenly gripped my arm tightly.
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Weâd talked a lot about whether this was a good idea. Glenda decided she wanted to. She thought it might help put things to rest.
As we walked across the grass Glenda suddenly gripped my arm tightly.
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âKeep goingâ she said, her head bowed, and her face hidden by her coat hood. âIâve just seen someone I recogniseâ.
One of the nurses who had been cruel to Glenda was walking across the hospital grounds.
After all those years she recognised him immediately and felt fear.
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One of the nurses who had been cruel to Glenda was walking across the hospital grounds.
After all those years she recognised him immediately and felt fear.
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We spent a lot of time together making this video diary.
One night I ended up back at Glendaâs flat after the BBC crew had gone home.
I felt disastrously tired. Glenda took one look at me and said she was making me supper.
Glenda was one of the kindest people Iâve known.
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One night I ended up back at Glendaâs flat after the BBC crew had gone home.
I felt disastrously tired. Glenda took one look at me and said she was making me supper.
Glenda was one of the kindest people Iâve known.
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When it came to producing the video diary I asked the BBC film unit to let Glenda play an active part.
Glenda read all the scripts and made changes, she visited the editing suite, watched the footage, and said exactly what she wanted.
It was her own life story after all.
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Glenda read all the scripts and made changes, she visited the editing suite, watched the footage, and said exactly what she wanted.
It was her own life story after all.
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I made sure Glenda had copies of the video and permission from the OU to show it whenever she wanted.
Glenda showed it to her parents and brother. She showed it to her social worker and psychiatrist. She screened it for friends.
Glenda got to tell her own story at last.
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Glenda showed it to her parents and brother. She showed it to her social worker and psychiatrist. She screened it for friends.
Glenda got to tell her own story at last.
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It was striking how little people professionally involved with Glenda actually knew about her life before she showed them the video.
They were relying on case notes; a limited and distorted version of reality. Glenda loved showing them the video and reclaiming her past.
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They were relying on case notes; a limited and distorted version of reality. Glenda loved showing them the video and reclaiming her past.
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Glenda loved my children like her own. She dreamt of going to Disneyland Paris so we went together.
After a horrendous coach journey we arrived late at night. The lights fused when Glenda plugged in her kettle and she said âoh bugger!â.
Glenda had a great sense of humour.
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After a horrendous coach journey we arrived late at night. The lights fused when Glenda plugged in her kettle and she said âoh bugger!â.
Glenda had a great sense of humour.
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Shortly after our Disneyland trip I was moving out of a flat.
I was in a complete muddle. Glenda came over and spent a whole day getting me organised.
She did it so kindly that I didnât feel bad about needing help.
Glenda could always be relied upon to come to the rescue.
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I was in a complete muddle. Glenda came over and spent a whole day getting me organised.
She did it so kindly that I didnât feel bad about needing help.
Glenda could always be relied upon to come to the rescue.
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Glenda taught me a lot about being assertive too.
When she developed diabetes and needed to inject herself with insulin she would do it wherever she happened to be.
She had no time for other people who had a problem with this. They were just being ignorant and rude.
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When she developed diabetes and needed to inject herself with insulin she would do it wherever she happened to be.
She had no time for other people who had a problem with this. They were just being ignorant and rude.
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In spite of what had happened Glenda loved her parents unreservedly and cared for them at the end of their lives.
She was able to help bath her dad shortly before he died, and I remembered the loving care with which she bathed my babies.
Glendaâs heart was full of love.
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She was able to help bath her dad shortly before he died, and I remembered the loving care with which she bathed my babies.
Glendaâs heart was full of love.
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My parents were in touch with Glenda for the rest of her life. I saw her occasionally, especially at Christmas.
I looked forward to hearing how Glenda was. She battled for her rights in a part-time cleaning job and stayed out of hospital because she loved her cat so much.
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I looked forward to hearing how Glenda was. She battled for her rights in a part-time cleaning job and stayed out of hospital because she loved her cat so much.
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Then one day I had a phone call from my Dad with some sad news. Glenda had died unexpectedly.
Sheâd been away on holiday but had come home early because she wasnât feeling well.
What a remarkable life. What strength of character and determination.
What a capacity to love.
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Sheâd been away on holiday but had come home early because she wasnât feeling well.
What a remarkable life. What strength of character and determination.
What a capacity to love.
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The life of someone like Glenda can so easily be under-valued. She was among the very best of people.
Itâs Valentineâs Day and so poignant to think how Glenda and Cecil found love in the unlikeliest of places.
All Glenda ever wanted was to love, and to be loved.
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Itâs Valentineâs Day and so poignant to think how Glenda and Cecil found love in the unlikeliest of places.
All Glenda ever wanted was to love, and to be loved.
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@threadreaderapp please compile.
