“Uncle CivilWarHumor, I'm weary and full of despair. My hope is all but extinguished.”
“Then relight it.”
“Hope isn’t a JOINT, uncle.”
“That’s your first problem.”
“There must be some tale you can tell to raise our spirits.”
“You’re in luck. It’s Gen. John Rawlins’ birthday …”

At sundown on April 16, 1861, a week after Fort Sumter, John Rawlins walked to the courthouse in Galena, Ill., for a town hall meeting. The place was packed -- from leading politicians in the front row to the grungiest store clerk in the back. The country was on a knife’s edge …

A staunch Democrat, Rawlins’ friends urged him not to attend the meeting; Fort Sumter was "fake news," they said, it was just a false-flag pretense for enlisting in Abe’s War to Free The [term redacted].

But Rawlins walked on, and pushed through the door.

Inside the courthouse, the Democratic mayor was talking about compromise -- ah, compromise! Shelby Foote called it America’s "true genius," some call it America’s "dumbest addiction." Cuz the mayor had misjudged the mood; America had been attacked by its COUNTRYMEN …

Elihu Washburne, the Illinois Republican congressman and Fiend of Lincoln(™), interjected with some boring, technical shit about the process of raising militias -- which, again, nobody wanted to hear. Have YOU ever seen a military enlistment form?

Then Rawlins rose to speak …

Rawlins’ eyes (which still scare the hell out of ME, and it’s 150 years later) were described as “blazing.” He roared:

THERE CAN BE BUT TWO PARTIES NOW -- ONE OF PATRIOTS AND ONE OF TRAITORS.

The courthouse fell silent, and everyone listened, from the politicians up front to the grungy clerks in the back row. “I have been a Democrat all my life,” Rawlins began. “But this is no longer a question of politics; it is simply country or no country …”

“I have favored every honorable compromise; but the day for compromise is passed. Only one course is left us: We will stand by the flag of our country, and appeal to the God of Battles.”

The courthouse shook; everyone knew Rawlins was a staunch Democrat, and not a particularly vociferous one at that. So his words carried immense power, in an area that was tilting between Union sentiment and secession …

“Wait a minute, uncle, that’s it? So Rawlins gave an inspiring speech? Big deal.”
(Removes glasses) "Remember that grungy clerk in the back row? Well, on the way home, his friends asked what he thought of the speech, and he said …

“‘I think I ought to join the service.’”

“Great, uncle, we scored a clerk. The Union Army got another goddamn clerk, another pointless bureaucrat to shovel papers around … maybe that’s a metaphor for OUR TIMES. Tell me, uncle, what was this GENIUS CLERK’S name, huh?
“His name was Ulysses S. Grant.”
“OHHHHHHH SHIT …”

“And that was Grant’s last day working at Jesse’s General Store. Rawlins (at left) would become Grant’s chief-of-staff, keep him sober, and help him become the one man Lincoln couldn’t spare. Because, as Lincoln said …

(kids yell in unison)

“HE FIGHTS!”
#HappyBDay
#JohnRawlins