I really want us to win a low quality, contentious grand slam. Over-the-top open top bus parade while Cardiff is still in lockdown. DVD box set release. Commemorative red cards for sale in the WRU shop. Let's lean into our newfound reputation as rugby's flukey shithouses.

I just wish Mike Phillips could have come on last week to score a controversial* try.

*Some say illegal. Bitter people. Wrong people.

84th minute penalty to seal a 8-7 win at home against Italy.

All the while whooping and hollering at every ref decision and marginal moment in a manner that even Maro Itoje would describe as just a touch obnoxious.

Get the NHS staff outside the hospitals clapping at 8pm for the **REAL** heroes.

The Lions tour to be abandoned. Not because of Covid, but because of the WRU's stubborn insistence that the team be renamed to "Wales And Friends".

LRZ to rebrand as The Franchise™ and exclusively speak about himself in the third person during post-match interviews.

All of this is just three red cards away.

Destiny awaits.