Weird look into my brain. As people are pulling together their realizations (about Avi, about Hakeem) and all the garbage generated in their various and sundry scrambles to sell their books...

I think to a few days ago when Anthony Steward Head said he is so sad he didn't realize the women of Buffy & Angel experienced abuse at the hands of Joss Whedon.

He said he is trying to think back and see it, he's so sad these young women didn't feel they could come to him. (And y'know, I understand that feeling, for lots of reasons.)

But if that's how you feel as you hear about these abusive folks?

You're not talking to your colleagues. For whatever reason, they don't feel like you're someone they can talk to. Why, you might ask?

Could be because when this shit comes up in the general, you sympathize with these guys. "But he's a smart guy" "He's always been nice to me"

Could be because you're the person in the meeting who totally supports equity, but also constantly supports picking that one loud white guy out of the admissions pile because "he just feels like a good fit" and "he really wants to be here"

Maybe you're the one at the faculty meetings who brings up concerns about a certain female student's future potential, even though her grades are higher than several of her struggling male classmates.

Maybe you tease people for not gender conforming, maybe it is that background you have of women in bikinis, maybe it you inappropriately confessed all your romantic troubles to someone 30 years your jr. because you were sad in the field.

It could be the part where you take women's ideas in meetings and present them as your own, somehow not even realizing YOU LITERALLY JUST HEARD IT FROM A COLLEAGUE.

Maybe you just don't have our backs when shit gets messy.

Anyway, I'm grateful to have a network of colleagues across geographies, fields, and time. Because without that? This would be even more impossible than it already is - and it is already pretty impossible.

Today is probably NOT the day to reach out and be like OH MY GOD I DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT CAN I DO. Like, stew in feeling guilty, it won't kill you. Maybe even talk to each other, write some quality apologies, and think about how you become someone who doesn't just ride the tide.