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Trying to determine what my little league coaching persona should be and figured I have a few options. They are as follows:
1. Will Muschamp: play small ball the whole time but get so angry at least twice a game that I start eating the chain link fence out of rage.
2. Lane Kiffin. Put up big numbers while antagonizing every other coach, only winning 50% of the time, and demanding the kids call me some nickname like Joey Freshwater.
3. Vince Lombardi. Wear the hat and the overcoat and just prowl the dugout in smoldering silence while glaring at any kid that misses on a hit and run.
4. Urban Meyer. Win at all costs while preaching some half-baked leadership theories to cover up the fact that half my team is made up of delinquents.
5. Nick Saban. Implement a process that makes the game joyless for everyone but then get thanked ten years later by the five future major-leaguers I helped develop. All of my players drive brand new Dodge Chargers which raises some eyebrows.
6. Les Miles. Every other play is a trick play and the field rapidly deteriorates because I've eaten all the grass by midseason.
7. Gordon Bombay. Vacillate wildly between being the kids' best friend and a raging egomaniac that tries to get an endorsement deal for a pair of shoes "for kids who want to coach."
8. Bob Knight. I am kicked out of the league before the end of the first inning of the first game for cursing out my players, their players, the umpires, and the old lady that runs the concession stand.
9. Kirby Smart. ALL of my players are bought and we still go 9-3.
Eric Taylor. I am by all accounts a molder of men, beloved by all, and the greatest coach in the history of the game.
