I'm not arguing that everybody should go poly, or that it's best for everybody. I'm arguing:
1-Monog ppl have lots of severe misconceptions about polyamory
2-Monogamy is in the water supply; a lot of people don't 'actually' have a poly option or know they'd be happier poly

Monogamous people *constantly* misunderstand and judge polyamory and repeat this stuff loudly - one of the most egregious offenders being a confusion between exclusivity and commitment. Poly people "aren't serious" or "can't raise healthy kids."

And because polyamory is so heavily shamed, misunderstood, and derided in culture, it's also not *ever* reflected in media. There's almost zero poly representation anywhere. Monogamous thought is EVERYWHERE. It is so cloyingly obvious once you're looking for it. -

And so a lot of people who might have really thrived in polyamorous relationships, ever actually get the chance. They've only ever gotten heavy cultural messaging that monogamy is the *only way to be*, and they go get into monog relationships and feel shitty when it doesn't work.

But they can't go poly - maybe they've got a full life developed now, maybe they don't know any other poly people (because those other ppl are also ashamed/don't know they're poly). Maybe they have zero skills, framework, or examples of how poly could even work.

This was true for me! Early on, I "was poly" in the sense that it was right for me (e.g., my monog boyfriend sexted with someoene else and I tried to 'make' myself feel jealous cause I thought i should), but had no idea how to do poly cause i hadn't heard of it.

polyamory is analagous in some ways to homosexuality back in the day. "You know you could leave your wife and be with another guy?"
"what.. no there's like a billion reasons i can't do that. I'm not 'really gay'. And nobody would understand, i can't get married, what about kids?"