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tw // self harm, suicide, rape, and sexual assault are mentioned
i’ve seen a lot of discourse these last few weeks on people telling survivors how we can & can’t deal with our trauma, usually i try to stay out of it because i know everyone copes differently but i saw someone
i’ve seen a lot of discourse these last few weeks on people telling survivors how we can & can’t deal with our trauma, usually i try to stay out of it because i know everyone copes differently but i saw someone
saying certain methods weren’t “healthy” and i think that’s such bs. like i’m sorry but there is absolutely no way to cope with it that isn’t toxic and hurting you to some extent. like even the methods that seem “acceptable” aren’t really even for us, they’re more so for you
so you don’t have to feel guilty about what happened to us. because at the end of the day everyone deals with it differently and everyone process it differently and no way is healthier than another, and while i may not agree with a certain method of dealing with it at
the end of the day that’s not my business and if it’s helping that person feel better then good for them, it’s just not for me & just because i disagree doesn’t give me or anyone else the right to harass that person because their method isn’t “healthy”. because i promise you that
when i spent two years crying and shaking and suffering from panic attacks that wasn’t healthy, like you have absolutely no idea how many times i tried to end it all and ended up in the er. or how i’d throw myself down the stairs and and bash my head against the wall just to feel
something, just anything but emptiness and fear. that’s not healthy either but it helped me process what happened and i hate that i did that but the alternative was much worse. also the following year of me sleeping with a ton of people wasn’t healthy at all either
it was toxic in a different way and i knew it at the time too but i so desperately wanted to have a choice, control over who i slept with because that free will was robbed from me and my bounderies were crossed against my will. so yeah it’s not healthy but it
helped me cope and reach the point where i am now where i can finally think properly, where i can finally genuinely smile and laugh instead of having constant nightmares and thoughts about the situation disrupting my thoughts.
and i want to make it clear that i was always open about what happened to me from the start and i had people reach out to me but with the context of who did it i honestly felt like i couldn’t trust anyone or open up to anyone emotionally, like i still can’t tell
my friends and family the depth of everything i’m feeling because of who the person who did it was, like i can’t trust anyone and that’s why my methods for dealing with it got so severe, because in my mind i had no one it was just me against the world. so no, i’m not
going to stand for people telling survivors how we can and can’t deal with it, especially those who don’t know what that experience is like not to mention the context of it is different for everyone so yeah of course we’re all going to deal with it differently.
so if the way someone chooses to process and deal with their sexual assault trauma is uncomfortable to you then reevaluate your thought process because 9/10 times those policing how we deal with trauma are just being selfish and don’t actually care about the survivor’s feelings
you only care about your feelings and how comfortable or uncomfortable you are with how we deal vs your perception of how you think we should be dealing with it. “you’re too stoic” “you’re too emotional” “clearly you’re over it if you’re smiling” like please stfu
like just stop holding survivors to whatever twisted standard you have for dealing with trauma. if you really care you’ll do the absolute most to let them know that instead of policing the way they cope, that’s not your decision to make, the only thing you have to do is
just be there. so yeah i’m definitely not going to be the one to tell someone that writing a fanfic to help them process their trauma is “unhealthy” considering all the toxic shit i did to deal with mine. idk just be mindful like i don’t like it so i personally
don’t seek that content out but if it’s helping someone cope then so be it and like i’m pretty sure they all use tw and cw too, the issue is more so the people who fetishize our trauma not the survivors just trying to process shit
but yeah if you’re a survivor just know there’s really no “healthy” way to deal with it all, everything hurts us to some extent tbh, and don’t push yourself to try and heal or process, we all have different timelines for it and the people who are meant to be your support in life
shouldn’t be rushing you to “heal” that’s only up to you. i would just say be self aware of how you deal with it because it can stop you from taking things too far for yourself
but yeah that’s it sorry for the rant i’m just annoyed at this point.
but yeah that’s it sorry for the rant i’m just annoyed at this point.
disclaimer this is not by any means sayifn our trauma gives us some sort of “right” to be abusive towards anyone else this is just about personally dealing and coming to terms with it all and beginning some sort of healing process
also i won’t be interacting with the og posts like i just don’t want to deal with that (if it make sense?) or see people discrediting victims and all that like it’s just not something i’m interested in dealing with since it’ll probably just angry me / trigger something
