I was describing the creation of the universe as a series of penetrations impacts, exchanges of fluids, were born by a ho named Thea who hit us, allowing us to hate fuck. From there things had sex by splitting apart, until it lead to the Cambrian Explosion or, aeoons of crab sex https://twitter.com/bathwaterbad/status/1360416260740296705

Nothing was good for a long time, these bastard ate us in the sea, they don't look good that big, and just when shit was at its worst after the Devonian when it seemed like our ancestors had a grasp on the seas, they beat us to land, and it was too full of oxygen.

Our poor fish friends, explorers beyond any before who made the journey to land were greeted to the Carboniferous Era of the Paleozoic, bugs were fucking everywhere and huge. Primitive spiders looked like 5 foot mites. Dragonflies with 20 foot wingspans. We were getting killed

All the goop of aeons of generations could not prepare us for getting devoured by a tick looking spider the size of godzilla to us for being brave

For millions of years we endured this shit and then, the oxygen lowered. They started dying. These trees these disgusting fuckers lived in were falling. Glaciation they didn't like was letting these innocent big frogs and tiny lizards to not be eaten by terrifying bugs anymore.

And there was great rejoycing and fucking. We vertebrates of land that no longer relied on shooting shot of each sex into water but fucking were well on our way to dominating land And it was all in vain because mammal like reptiles were ugly as sin and imagining it was filthy

We grew horny and fat off the land looking like Randy, prostituting ourselves, only able to grunt what was equivalent to "Man's gotta eat"

But the wolves between mammal and lizard, the Therapsids, knew this was all way too fucked up so chased them down and ripped them to shreds like dingos of a bygone era. No more. No more. The time was over, no more. No more public fornication at such weights, only hatred

But victory was not to last as they rested on the closest the continents ever had been in, this polycule of tectonic plates was having an orgy called "Pangaea". And because of the rubbng, the bumping the grinding, the sliding, the hot fluids traveling Earth would show again FILTH

It started with an explosion the likes of which life had not heard since it disgustingly fucked by splitting. A great moan, as if the speed on audacity was lowered. A deeply sexual moan. And then, chaos. What is now the Eurasian Plate could not last anymore, it had cum.

It was the largest expulsion of matter that came from the hateful union of Earth and Thea that created the insides of this so called perfect world. The ugliest things in existence which were mounting one another screamed and ran, some did not and kept going. It didn't matter.

Eruptive activity across the entirety of Pangea. All anyone could hear was the moans of volcanic expulsion and relief. This polycule continent did what all polycules do, it destroyed. Soon gas traps filled with methane and sulfur and foul smelling compounds broke from chasms

The Earth was cumming and farting, nothing could stop it, everything was too connected and rubbing, everything was moaning, life on Earth was screaming, somethings were still mounting one another instead of running because they were fat ugly and stupid.

The moaning and farting only grew louder and louder, pycroclastic debris was expanding everywhere like a great grey rectal explosion. The seas suffocated the plants died. 99% of Earth's life would never recover. It would still take millions of years to get this too fully stop

But it did, and the continents decided this wasn't for them. They changed their names. India, Australia, and Madagascar, longing and yearning were a thing once but they stopped. What was important, was the survivors of the Earth NTRing us for other connected continents, were "us"

Mammals thrived, and so did birds. An asteroid hit and kind of ruined our day but it was nothing like that. We traded places with them, and mammals became the dominant force on the planet. And Homo Sapiens came to be. And we learned nothing. We filled this world with carbon

Siberia where it all began, is farting again. It's getting hot, it's getting sweaty, and it isn't supposed to happen because we aren't Pangea. I'm too tired I promise this was funnier in dm

"Man is awakening Earth's dark sexual urges" is along the lines I went to from here. The Siberian traps are leaking carbon dioxide not seen since that day in the Permian where 99% of all life died. And we do nothing but wait like our moviebob shaped prehistoric ancestors.

I'm going to bed