You know what’s funny about this? Many men *sings* love to make babies because they know it’s socially acceptable for them to do the bare minimum work or none at all.

When I was in my 20s and still undecided about kids, I laid my cards on the table for the men I seriously dated—

When I laid out my expectations for procreation, they all had a aneurysm.

I didn’t even ask for a lot: marriage, private school, FL tutors, nanny/ day care, health care, house with lots of space, meal delivery service, cleaning service 2x a month, I keep my career, etc.

Now— if you grew up solidly upper middle class or better, every thing on that list is normal as hell.

But many of them went on about how I was being unreasonable. No. I realized early in my 20s that I couldn’t have the life I envisioned for myself without all those things.

So I made a decision: If I can’t live on my own terms because of motherhood, why be a mother at all?

Scary.

This recent surge in public childfreedom is so necessary because I didn’t have a lot of possibility models as a teen til my late mentor ( #LiveLikeDinisa) gave me one...

My own mentor had a step child and I know part of it is a numbers game. The older I get the less likely it is ill find a man without a child. So I now get to decide how I feel about step children.

But the key in all of this? Choice.

The ability to choose.

These men want to take away women’s choices because it makes them feel powerful and it means they’re more likely to be able to keep women in a particular place.

Having a child is an incredibly demanding physical, emotional, and financial decision.

Control.

And trapping a woman into parenting is just that— a form@of control.

I laugh when I am on these dating apps and people say they have 50/50 custody. I doubt it, buddy. Because time doesn’t account for the extra emotional labor women get sucked into.

I have grown men tell me I am mean when I set boundaries. Can you imagine that person co-parenting with me? My mothering friends get to set the fewest boundaries of all!

We abuse enough *WILLING* mothers in this country. There’s no need to make more. https://annehelen.substack.com/p/other-countries-have-social-safety