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As a Latina #WomanInScience, I'm proud of what I've done and the goals I've set for myself. However, there is one thing that's rarely talked about in academia: fatphobia. And this is especially evident in science. This isn't a pretty thread, and will make you uncomfortable. (1/n)
So, let's start with a self profile. I'm ~5'4" tall, and am a pretty standard size US 26. I've never shared this info publicly, and to be honest I'm VERY scared of sharing it. I've been overweight since childhood - since around 2nd grade. Yes, I got bullied throughout K-12. (2/n)
Yes, that bullying hugely impacted me. I was told by a parent that I needed to like less attractive people as crushes because then I'd have more of a chance. I've never had a romantic partner, and I'm still trying to get over society telling me I am nothing without one. (3/n)
Now, onto my experience in #academia. The first time I went on a field trip for undergrad, it was humid and I wasn't used to it. I got left behind by the department. Only ONE faculty member stayed behind to walk at my pace. Whatever was taught during that trip, I missed. (4/n)
When my class and I walked from one place to another, I was always left behind. Always. And by a good amount. Rarely did anyone ever stay back and walk with me. I tried so hard to walk as fast as I could, but I sweat extremely easily so that backfired very quickly. (5/n)
At my first undergrad conference, we walked to dinner. Not only did I get left behind, they forgot about me when they got to the restaurant. I had to eat in a chair awkwardly jammed into the corner of a table. What did I eat? You guessed it. A salad. I didn't get full. (6/n)
At my second undergrad conference, we were seated around a table and I asked for the lemonade. I was promptly told that drinking water was very healthy with lunch. They didn't know I had a 32oz nalgene bottle of water 3/4 drank in my bag.
I didn't drink the lemonade. (7/n)
I didn't drink the lemonade. (7/n)
Seats are NEVER properly spaced in a conference. If I don't get there early, I HAVE to either sit in the front or a row end, for which I promptly get glares for. I will absolutely not have my back or front brush someone walking by. I know the stereotype. I'm gross, lazy. (8/n)
The looks I got when I walked into a classroom or really anywhere. "Wow, she's huge." I don't think there was an undergrad class where I didn't see someone look me up and down. Was I overreacting because of my childhood bullying? Probably. Regardless, it always happened. (9/n)
I was NEVER asked to be in a solo picture for my department, despite the fact that I was 1/2 PoC in my class and 1/5 women. I got profiled my senior year by the college directly. This didn't stop the department from bragging about the one WoC from SoCal in the 2016 class. (10/n)
I went to every event I could for the club. One time, there was a hike scheduled. I excitedly made my mom's famous macaroni salad. The day before, someone asks me: "you signed up for the event tomorrow. Are you sure you can come? It's a hike."
I didn't go to that event. (11/n)
I didn't go to that event. (11/n)
While in another club, someone mentioned that the only time fat people run is for a double cheeseburger, then looked directly at me for the next five seconds. My heart dropped. I went up to the bathroom and cried in the stall. I slowly became less involved in that club. (12/n)
Someone who I considered a friend at the time told me she didn't know why I thought I didn't have to pack a suitcase for a weekend conference; after all, my clothes take up far more space than regular clothes. When I defensively said I packed more than her, she got angry. (13/n)
Even now, in grad school. I went on a hike with people and they said it was an easy hike even after I specifically asked. It was the rockiest hike of my life. When I mentioned this, they looked at me and said "you should have looked at the app" then left me behind. (14/n)
That's all I'm really comfortable sharing right now. What I can say is that I have amazing friends now. The first time I walked somewhere with a friend at UNR and he made sure to look at my pace and walk at it, I kinda wanted to cry. I'd never experienced that. (15/n)
It's lovely to walk with a group of friends and not be left behind. It's lovely to mention something about not wanting to eat unhealthily and have these friends be like "um, why does that matter?" I can't even imagine what I'd do if I had fieldwork, though. (16/n)
If you're still here, thanks for listening. Some of these things are personal and not completely #academia, but they all happened while I was in university. This isn't even counting the amount of times professors described fat people as massive and a complete hindrance. (17/18)
This needs to change. I know I'm not alone in this, in the experiences I've had and in the comments I've witnessed. To this day, I hate everything about my body. I want to do fieldwork, I want to go on trips, and I deserve to be included and not treated as a burden. (18/fin)
