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when I came out in the early 2000’s there was this idea in the lesbian community among people my own age that butch lesbians were tops & tops only. There was a social pressure & policing around butch sexuality from other lesbians. This was so unhelpful for a
when I came out in the early 2000’s there was this idea in the lesbian community among people my own age that butch lesbians were tops & tops only. There was a social pressure & policing around butch sexuality from other lesbians. This was so unhelpful for a
Young butch struggling with gender& sex dysphoria. The idea was that it was shameful for a butch woman to like being the bottom. She definitely shouldn’t be into penetration! 
I remember it got around that one butch woman liked to have her femme girlfriend use a strapon on her.
I remember it got around that one butch woman liked to have her femme girlfriend use a strapon on her.
Lots of snickering & questioning her butch status because of that. Basically butch women were expected to be “the men” in the relationship. For some one who was already struggling with gender roles, sexuality & my womanhood this was toxic. Here I was a young woman
Trying to find her way as a butch lesbian & still being told that my presentation meant I was still a man in some way. And that I needed to act like one as well. My female sexuality was still being policed because I wasn’t “acting like a woman”. These ideas had
The effect of stifling any explorations on my part to find out what I actually liked & didn’t like in my sex life. It added more shame on top of the shame I already had. It made me feel more estranged from my female body because I wasn’t allowed to enjoy it to its full extent.
I was expected to distance myself from my biological anatomy. I couldn’t just simply exist as woman with another woman. There were expectations. None of this was talked about or questioned. Even me & my wife never talked about these things. It’s like there was a blanket of shame
around being lesbian & especially being a butch lesbian. As a young teen I imagined myself as male in order to make sense of my same sex attraction & coming out into a community that enforced these stereotypes & gender roles only made that maladaptive thought process worse.
It made my dissociation from my body worse. I believe every woman should have the freedom to explore her sexuality to its fullest on her own terms. No matter how she looks or acts. It’s why I can be a bit vocal against casting butch women into a particular sexual role or dynamic.
That’s not to say that what a particular woman likes or doesn’t like isn’t just fine or that couples can’t develop a dynamic that works best for them. I am just not a fan of type casting woman of any presentation especially butch woman into a specific sex role.
