Two years ago, my mom left us. What follows here is not a story of how, why, and when because all of that is too personal to recount here. However, what I do want to share though is a lesson that I learned the hard way and one that I feel should be shared here since some of you

have been a part of that learning.

I was 25 when it happened and after leaving academics (something I loved) and moving to sports and television, I'd done fairly well for myself professionally, thanks to the support and guidance of some people who I'll remain forever indebted.

Strangely though, I never thought too highly of myself, largely because of an impostor syndrome and also because I was too ambitious and always chasing the big breakthrough in life. So, in front of that grand goal, nothing seemed big enough. I was always on the chase.

What that also meant was that I never thought of the small achievements of life worth sharing with my people around me, including my Mom. Unlike me, my Mom was a simple fellow who would get enthusiastic about little things.

The trophies from wins in quizzes and debates that I never cared about because I never thought of them as anything worth being proud of, she'd keep in the living room. She was proud of them. She got to know of most of those wins when they came with a prize that I would bring home

We often fought over this issue where my gripe used to be this - what was the point of keeping a trophy I won in class IXth in the living room. My mom didn't understand my argument and the next trophy I earned also found its way in the cupboard that she was proud of. I wasn't.

For me, that cupboard represented the expectations I had from myself at different points of time that I somewhere failed to fulfill in my eyes.

Unlike how it was in my growing up years, where I would tell her happily about my wins and losses even in intra-class events, I stopped sharing with her the news of these things because I didn't see a point of celebration there. I saw this development as maturity.

It’s not that I didn’t want to make her happy. As a kid, you always want your parents to be proud of you. It’s just that, apart from having grown slightly cynical in life, I was just waiting for the big news that I could make her happy with. The breakthrough that I was chasing.

In hindsight, I can say I got it terribly wrong. As we grow up, our definitions of success change, just as mine did. We put our achievements in small and big boxes. That’s not, however, is the case with people who really love us, especially our parents.

The news of me winning a school quiz or debate put the same smile on my Mom’s face that the news of me getting a good job did. I regret not understanding it and depriving her of many such moments of joy that she could have derived out of achievements that I thought were

not big enough. I waited for the big breakthrough that sadly hasn’t come yet, even two years after she’s gone.

The following years have been harder both personally and professionally. However, I have come to value the little things better now, a byproduct of grief and loss .

A lot of love comes my way from random strangers because of the Facebook page and the Podcast. I read all the comments and messages and try to share some of them with people who care for me. It's nowhere my big breakthrough and definitely not something I planned. What it is

though is genuinely heart warming reward for some hard work that I have enjoyed doing and I proudly call mine. Probably, earlier I wouldn’t have been proud of any of it and would have dismissed it all with a cynical one-liner. Now, I look at things slightly differently.

I would have loved to share some of the kind words with Mom if she was around. But, sadly, she is not.

To all those reading it, do share your happiness, big or small, with your parents and people who really care. Don’t think they wouldn’t understand it.

Even if they don’t, they'd find in it a reason that makes you happy and get happy. Give them that smile. The big breakthrough may or may not come. Don’t wait for it. What you think is a small happiness multiplies and grows bigger when you share it with people who really love you.