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i think the misogyny in my extended family circle made me lose all enthusiasm for Lunar New Year.
this year's different bc we're not having gatherings bc of the pandemic, but every year I had to watch female cousin-in-laws juggling work while cooking for more than twenty ppl -while- getting yelled at by a patriarchal husband for minuscule things.
women and men also sit separately - (older) men in a bigger table, of course. when i try to help out, in-laws never let me and say 'agassi' should just eat fruits and chill... We hold ancestral ceremony (jesa) a few times a yr so I have to watch this a few times a yr.
It's usually in-laws who have to work non stop. their husbands, so my cousins, 'help out' when it comes to making 'jeon' and moving tables but most of work are done by women. and they hv to buy all the food w their own money. it's a lot of food btw.
Like when my cousin yelled at her wife for moving food plates one by one to the table instead of altogether, my blood boiled and i had to bite my lips. So many things about 'jesa' bothers me. Like how older men bow first, and then younger men, men, men, men, and women.
Earlier this year, my patriarchal male cousins tried to carry on w 'jesa' despite concerns about the pandemic bc "it's a tradition" and risked all our lives so he can save face. It was cancelled after I begged my mom to stay home (which she resisted) and then everyone cancelled.
All of above reasons cancel out joys of reuniting with fam members and i'd rather stay home and I'm glad I can do that for this Lunar New Year. My in-laws still had to cook and do the ceremony but at least there are fewer ppl.
If you were wondering why I am not speaking out, that's bc older Korean men are snowflakes, and get very easily offended, which will lead lots of drama. For ex, when my uncle shared a fake news on our fam group chat w dozens of ppl, I just said "It's not from a credible source."
and I felt back asleep. When I woke up, I was greeted by a overly-considerate messages and emojis from my mom in a group chatroom. My bro told me I embarrassed my uncle. My cousin agrees. My uncle called me. I put out the fire by adding sweet nice msg and emojis. Exhausting.
So yes, that was a long and unsolicited thread of why I don't enjoy traditional holidays in Korea. It's for men who want to uphold patriarchy, save face and drink together.
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++ Just to give you an idea - this is the amount of food in-laws have to cook & buy. they usually cook additional amount so they can give out to diff families after the ceremony.
http://www.yejiwon.com/incheon/shopping/list_view.asp?idx=542&category=1&s_category=0&curpage=1&keyfield=&key=&area=incheon
http://www.yejiwon.com/incheon/shopping/list_view.asp?idx=542&category=1&s_category=0&curpage=1&keyfield=&key=&area=incheon
++ Also, not every family is like this. My friend's fam travel to Busan or Jeju to rest during holidays. They don't do 'jesa' just out of convenience. Also, my Christian friends don't do this as well.
i live and will live with guilt and shame for staying silent, and unspoken resentment and disappointment directed at my ~clueless~ male cousin who is nice to me and other male members of the family. // really the end //
