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about to make a venting thread of everything I can think of right now. because right now is a lot.
It's almost been a year since the pandemic started. I was a senior in high school, and one Friday afternoon the principal told us that school would be out for a few weeks. We never went back.
We finished the semester online and... graduated. I went from regularly interacting with ~20 people to ~3. I didn't know what happened after high school. College, I guessed. But what did it feel like, and who's in my life moving forward?
In a normal circumstance, that summer would have been so much fun! One last burst of activity with the high school friends to celebrate our success before moving onto a new phase of our lives! But instead it was the same bedroom and a very perplexed me. Not sure what happens now.
I think we take all those small interactions for granted. Being poked in the side, getting up from the lunch table because you want to avoid confrontation, walking past the chorus room during their class - things that you hardly notice while they're there. But they're intangible.
And they're gone.
And because of the pandemic, there's nothing to replace them.
No trips to the movies with the squad, no in-person study groups, no choir practice room to relish in my painfully average piano skills with familiar faces.
That part hurts. It hurts a lot.
And because of the pandemic, there's nothing to replace them.
No trips to the movies with the squad, no in-person study groups, no choir practice room to relish in my painfully average piano skills with familiar faces.
That part hurts. It hurts a lot.
Through virtual college I've met some great people who have interests I didn't even know I could share with others. And professors I really enjoy! But.
Not when the screen goes dark.
It's just the pressure of completing work regularly combined with practicing for music classes.
Not when the screen goes dark.
It's just the pressure of completing work regularly combined with practicing for music classes.
It's gotten to the point where I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to. No one friend who isn't already dealing with their own issues, no new friend who understands the context of my emotional development.
It's lonely. Maybe there really isn't an outlet for me right now.
It's lonely. Maybe there really isn't an outlet for me right now.
Sometimes when I feel like that, I walk to the lake in my neighborhood. It's been in my memories forever, and I like to imagine it listens to me thinking out loud about ways to keep going.
There's not always time to do that, though.
There's not always time to do that, though.
I wish there weren't barriers of the social and social distancing kinds. So that I could tell the people I know that I love them. That I could hug them and have a silent mutual understanding. That I could tell the people I don't know how much they matter to me. Hope in unknowing.
I felt like I was so close to understanding myself. Coming to terms with what makes me *me* and learning how to present that.
But there's not an audience to hear me, nor a mentor to teach me.
When you stop to think about it like that, I believe everyone lost something to COVID.
But there's not an audience to hear me, nor a mentor to teach me.
When you stop to think about it like that, I believe everyone lost something to COVID.
I don't know what the point of all this is, really.
But if anyone reading this has similar feelings, I want them to know they're not alone.
I don't know if we're going to get through this. But I know that a lot of us are going through it.
But if anyone reading this has similar feelings, I want them to know they're not alone.
I don't know if we're going to get through this. But I know that a lot of us are going through it.
