A little :

Let's talk about shame as a motivator.

How effective is it in truly changing one's behaviour, but even more than that, one's thought patterns?

Example inspired by something I saw today:

A white person crowdsources ideas on how they might celebrate Lunar New Year - best local food places to support, etc.

A Chinese individual responds and rakes them over the coals. Publicly shames the person for cultural appropriation.

The white person, while innocent in intention, might have been more thoughtful in considering that this is not their heritage and might have just asked what the best Chinese takeout is.

The response was...intense. I wasn't even involved in the convo and I felt secondhand shame.

I want to empathize with the person who responded. Their culture HAS been appropriated often and thoughtlessly. Especially in the past year, many Chinese people have been the victims of racist rhetoric and violence. Tensions are high. I can understand the defensiveness.

The result of the conversation was, I suppose, a net positive. The person admitted their insensitivity and apologized.

I wonder, though, if maybe this could have been achieved through a slightly different approach.

As a white dude though, I admit my blindspot here. I am not marginalized and don't have that experience. The burden should not be on the Chinese person to assuage white guilt.

Here's my concern:

While this particular white person was responsive and tried their best to listen, for many others, this sort of shaming can easily have the exact opposite intended effect. It can drive white people to more extreme views, to incorrectly view THEMSELVES as marginalized etc.

Again, it's not the responsibility of the POC to curb the outcomes. But what I'm attempting to sort out is whether there is a way to not only change behaviour (stop appropriating culture) but to change hearts.

As a Christian, this plays out in so many ways. A Christian leader shames someone for their behaviour, and sometimes it pushes them further into sin. I know for me personally, as someone who struggles with disordered eating, someone shaming me for what I ate makes me want to eat.

A verse I often cling to is Romans 2:4, where it says that it is the goodness, benevolence, and kindness of God - that leads us to change our mind (repent). How can I embody this same spirit for others?

I can only speak about what has *actually* caused me to change not just behaviour but my actual mind:

It's building connection
It's asking questions that lead to introspection,
It's seeing the harm my view or actions have caused,
It's being armed with information.

Sometimes harsh and direct words are needed. Sometimes we need someone's line of thinking to be categorically rejected.

But as a general rule, and I admit that this is maybe naive and white of me:

Can we love each other toward change?